At A Crossroads
by Elanra
Summary: Post-series. 4 years after Nezumi left. He wakes up to find himself at a crossroads after having a dream about Shion. Will he return to him?
1. At A Crossroads

_"There is no meaning in a world without you, Nezumi… No meaning at all." _

_Shion's fingers dig into his arm and he is crying. He is crying but denying his tears. Nezumi thinks that now, more than ever, Shion looks like a child. Holding onto the very thing he wants, defying all logic and reasons why it can't be his… and still wanting it._

_For a crazy second Nezumi wants to give in. Just give Shion what he wants so much; so openly; so desperately. But it is madness and reason quickly cuts through the impossible idea like razor cuts through flesh… it hurts, Nezumi notices but dismisses it almost immediately. He tucks away the feeling into the very depths of his black, black heart. They are like day and night, light and darkness, truth and lies and Nezumi can't stay by his side and he knows it but a part of him still **wants **to and that is exactly why he **must **leave._

_And yet, he is forcing Shion's chin up, making him meet his gaze and kisses him. Tenderly, fiercely, passionately… Shion looks sad when he pulls away. Maybe even more than he did before he kissed him. His crimson eyes sparkle with tears he rejects. He asks if that was his 'goodbye kiss'…_

_'It's an oath' Nezumi says, defying all logic and reasons himself this time. He MUST go, he feels it with pressing urgency, with every passing moment, he must get away from this place, from Shion and his tearful, honest gaze…he must get away from this madness but he is already promising his return._

Run… Run… Run you coward…

_Nezumi turns around and walks away… Shion is watching him go and his gaze drills holes at his back. As he keeps putting one foot in front of the other he thinks he shouldn't feel it anymore but the holes go deeper. They are warm, searing hot, eating away at his insides. Nezumi knows Shion can no longer see him but he still feels his distant gaze somewhere deep in his heart. His vision is blurry and he can't breathe properly. It takes him quite a while to realize that he is crying._

_He has never hated himself as much as he does at this very moment._

_And he knows with absolute certainty… that Shion is still standing there. Watching._

* * *

><p><em>Nezumi feels like dead weight. His limbs feel anchored with gravity and he can't even move his fingers. Shion's hands holding onto him feels like sharp knives. Every inch of his body aches and Nezumi can't keep his eyes open. He uses all of his energy to stay conscious and with each second ticking by he feels like he is losing the battle.<em>

_Shion pants and swears under his breath. Nezumi vaguely notices that he is crying. He can't determine if they are tears of despair or of frustration. Shion is injured as well and yet he is carrying him. Carrying Nezumi out of hell. There is blood everywhere. On Shion's hands, his shirt, his pants even on his face but Shion doesn't stop to wipe it away. He keeps walking with Nezumi on his back. But the exit is too far away. Nezumi knows they can never make it. Not when it's like this._

_He never wanted Shion to see all this. He never wanted him to change. Shion can't die like this… Die because of him._

_Nezumi uses the final bits of his remaining strength to push words out of his mouth. He is not sure if Shion can hear them, it may well be happening only in his mind. He tells him to escape, to leave him and save himself._

_Shion yells at him._

_Shion calls him an idiot._

_Shion tells him to stop joking around…He tells Nezumi to not look down on him so much…_

Shion…no…you don't understand…

Please… listen…

You must live.

…

I can't stand it if you die.

I can't stand it if you die because of me.

…

Shion…

There is…

There is no meaning in a world without you Shion…

Shion…

Shi…on…

_Darkness engulfs him…_

* * *

><p><em>He moves like a flower petal caught up in spring breeze. Nezumi pulls him and shifts and turns with him, his hand on his waist and Shion moves with ease. Surprisingly graceful and unexpectedly apt as he lends his body to Nezumi's lead. He stares into Nezumi's eyes and there is wonder in his expression.<em>

_Nezumi's lips move and he hums a cheerful melody. It feels natural and surreal at the same time. Shion glides and Nezumi's room expands around them. It expands under the clear sky and across the land to infinity. Only Nezumi's voice and the sound of their footsteps break the silence. It's an experience unparalleled to anything Nezumi knows of._

_His Majesty stares at him, oblivious to the power of his gaze. The soft, snowy locks of his hair catches on the insufficient light coming from the single oil lamp. His grip is secure but not too strong. That's the same hand that pulled Nezumi out of the darkness just moments ago and it is just like how he remembers it from 4 years ago._

_Firm but gentle._

_Nezumi entwines their fingers and dances with him…_

_Shion is warm…_

_He is always so warm…_

* * *

><p>Nezumi opens his eyes and the ceiling greets him. Aged and bloated wooden girders reach from wall to wall and between them; Nezumi watches tiny dust particles glow like peculiar bioluminescent orbs under the light coming through the narrow gap between the mold green curtains on his right, next to his bed.<p>

_It must be around 8 am_, he thinks. But it looks like it could be 4 pm too. He simply doesn't care. He hasn't for a while.

Nezumi raises a hand over his eyes and rubs them with his fingers hoping it would clear away the remnants of his dream. But they remain imprinted behind his eyelids. Shion is looking up at him and there is still wonder in his crimson eyes… And Nezumi feels like he can _feel _him in his arms.

His other hand clenches the starched sheets as he desperately tries to fight the illusion. His heartbeat picks up just thinking of him. The hair on his arms stands on its end. His dream crushes over him and Nezumi can't stop it, because he _wants_ to see him. He _wants _to feel him and run his fingers through his hair. He wants to look into his eyes and see him openly look back at him.

_You've gotta be kidding me._

Nezumi throws the sheets off of him and sits up. He wishes all of this was only physical but it isn't and he knows he can't just jerk off and get back to sleep. He knows because it has never helped before. This is something different. Something Nezumi doesn't know how to deal with it. He can't even name the feeling. He can only grimace at the sense of convulsion in the pit of his stomach and the compression in his chest.

Nezumi swings his legs from the side of the bed, ignoring his hard on and rests his elbows on his knees. Looking out through the gap between his ugly curtains he starts humming the same melody in his dream. It is supposed to be a lighthearted tune but with each note Nezumi feels worse. The compression in his chest threatens to overtake his heart and all of this angers him. It's simply frustrating. No… that doesn't cut it. He is outraged and he just wants to break something.

Nezumi can hear people walking down the alley his lodging house is located on, talking to each other; some kids playing with a cat they found behind the vegetable crates across the street. His nose picks up the scent of over-baked bread and eggs. He needs to get up, get ready and go to the bookstore he works part-time as a clerk. There will be a shipment of books today from No.4 and he needs to register them and put them away on their new shelves. He'll probably see that cocky old man again exactly at 2pm, pestering him about classics and Shakespeare with half-assed knowledge and wiseacre interpretations, all because he wants to talk to him. Nezumi has known what the old man was looking for the moment he came through the door with a greasy smile and a husky voice, mumbling that he had never seen Nezumi around before and he knows he isn't looking for books. This isn't anything new to Nezumi. He knows a dozen ways to deal with him other than breaking his jaw and rearranging his facial features, most of which doesn't even require violence and can still be equally intimidating but he just doesn't care. He is so sick of it. He is so sick of all of it.

_Chirp…Chirp…Chirp._

Hamlet stares at him from underneath the wardrobe across the room as if asking for permission. Nezumi extends his hand towards him and Hamlet climbs on it in an instant. It has a piece of bread in his mouth and it looks up at Nezumi curiously as if to ask him why he isn't eating.

"I'm not hungry. You go ahead and enjoy your breakfast." Nezumi says and watches the mouse on his leg eat as he strokes its head with his finger.

"Where is Cravat?" he asks after Hamlet finishes.

_Chirp, chirp, chirp._

"He is sleeping? At this hour?"

Hamlet looks at him and squeaks slowly.

_He is getting old. I keep forgetting they are eventually going to die._

"You keep an eye on him, okay?"

_Chirp._

_I wonder how Tsukiyo is doing. Though he is in No.6 with an overly worried Shion. He'll probably live longer than any rat in the history, knowing Shion. He'll take Tsukiyo to a veterinary whenever the poor thing does so much as oversleep._

_On a second thought, I am even MORE worried about him now._

"Hamlet, do you miss Shion?"

Hamlet's grape colored eyes lock onto Nezumi's grey eyes. It stares at him without moving for long seconds then he slowly chirps.

"Such sentimentality. If I knew naming you would induce such loyalty, I'd have done it earlier myself... What the fuck?"

Hamlet nibbles at his finger angrily. Although he doesn't bite hard enough to make him bleed, it still hurts.

"You actually bit me."

_Chirp, chirp, chirp._

"I don't care he is your friend. You bit me!"

_Chirp, chirp, chirp._

"Exactly. Only Shion would care being friends with mice anyway. I don't see why you are so proud."

Hamlet scurries over the bed and on top of Nezumi's shoulder, nuzzling at his cheek, it chirps excitedly.

Nezumi turns to glare at him. Hamlet doesn't budge and stubbornly meets his stare.

"I see where from you learned this nasty streak of shooting back. I am not _really _a rat you know."

_Chirp._

Hamlet jumps down from his shoulder. The mouse looks almost smug when it stares back at him before disappearing under the wardrobe again, probably going to where Cravat is.

_I can't believe I was told off by a damn mouse._

Nezumi lies back on the bed crossing his arms under his head to support it and he stares at the ceiling again.

_IS he my friend though?_

Hamlet seems to think so, if that stunt just now is any proof. But Nezumi doesn't know what a 'friend' is. It is as unknown a word to him as 'family', or 'love'. He has read about them, he knows their meanings, he has gotten on stage and acted like he feels them but he has always thought about those words as separate things from him. Just like how fish don't think about flying, or birds about swimming, Nezumi has never thought about making friends or having a family… or loving someone. It was more of a bother than it was unnecessary and it was dangerous. That was what he always believed.

From everything he has read, he knows Shion is the closest thing he has ever had to a 'friend' but Nezumi also thinks the word as he knows it, is not quite enough to define whatever the bond between them is. He is not a fatalist so he doesn't believe in crap like fate or destiny but he also knows their meeting means more to him that it could ever mean to Shion. Not because Shion cares about him any less but because Nezumi's perspective is one Shion could never have. Shion was the one on the balcony and Nezumi was the one watching him from below. Shion doesn't know, he can never know what it means to be under that balcony. Even after 4 years, what he told Shion when they lived together remains true. Maybe even more so now.

It was indeed, a miracle.

Nezumi sits up and reaches for his backpack tucked securely between his bed and the nightstand next to it. Pulling the zipper he plunges a hand into the very depths of his bag and pulls out a shirt. An ordinary, white, buttoned up shirt which he would never wear the likes of. This one also doesn't belong to him. He only partially remembers how it ended up in his backpack in his haste and panic as he packed for his _journey_ after leaving Shion on that hill. The reason for the haze in his memory isn't because he did it subconsciously but rather how hard he was crying as he did it and he prefers that memory forgotten. He doesn't remember any other moment in his life he felt so weak, so hideously pathetic as he sat on his heels and cried with Shion's shirt in his hand. He wanted to leave it behind, leave everything behind and never once look back but the idea of forgetting Shion meant forgetting himself. Shion wasn't something that could be forgotten with the absence of a shirt. Nezumi would remember him every time he looked at the mirror. He was a part of him. Shion was the most defining part of who he is.

And yet he couldn't leave it behind. He wanted something tangible to hold on to. Something to remind him of Shion's warmth, of his smell, of the promise Nezumi gave him.

As if he could ever forget…

Nezumi raises the shirt to his face, feeling the same pang of weakness in the pit of his stomach. He buries his face in its folds and inhales deeply. What lingers behind after 4 years is only the lightest ghost of Shion's smell but Nezumi can still smell it. Smell is the strongest of all 5 senses in evoking memories and Nezumi thinks just how true it really is as Shion's smell fills his lungs and he feels like they are dancing again.

_You are pathetic._

Nezumi puts the shirt down and looks up at the wall clock over his bed. He pulls a light grey long sleeve from his bag this time and throws it on his bed with Shion's shirt before he turns around and jumps in the shower.

10 minutes later he returns with damp hair falling over his shoulders and back and completely nude apart from a towel around his waist. He wears a pair of black boxer briefs and black cargo pants before pulling on his grey long sleeve. He then picks up Shion's shirt and holds it at arm's length narrowing his eyes. After a moment of hesitation he puts the shirt on over his grey long sleeve. The sleeves don't reach his wrists so Nezumi rolls them up to his elbows over the grey shirt. The moment he finishes wrapping his superfiber scarf around his neck and over his leather jacket, he hears a faint scurry of claws. Soon enough Hamlet appears underneath the wardrobe with Cravat following behind. They seem to know their master's intentions from the way they chirp excitedly.

Nezumi kneels on one knee and extends a hand towards Cravat. He climbs slowly and stands on his hind legs, staring at Nezumi.

"You alright, Cravat? Think you can run?"

The brown mouse chirps keenly.

"Okay then. But you are getting stuffed down my pocket the moment you start falling behind, deal?"

_Chirp._

Nezumi grabs his backpack after letting Cravat jump down. He throws it at his back and walks out of the room. He glances back once before closing the door over the place he has lived in for the past 8 months.

Down the hallway and two flights of stairs… Nezumi goes to the wooden reception desk and the toothless old lady with a flurry of white hair behind the desk smiles when she sees Nezumi.

"Good morning my boy. Leaving for work?"

"Yes. How much do I owe you for this month, Aria?"

"A little over 50. You still have one week to pay though my dear."

"I've got it now. It'll be one less worry in my head." Nezumi flashes a smile and the old lady blinks a several times before she regains her composure and takes the notes Nezumi pulled out from his pocket. Soon after she asks a little sheepishly,

"Do you want your sheets changed?"

"There is no need Aria. You just gave me new sheets 4 days ago." Nezumi replies kindly. He thanks her and leaves the lodging house. Hamlet and Cravat appear from a sever hole next to the building, considerately not running around anywhere where Aria can see them.

Nezumi stands on the steps of the lodging house and looks up at the sky. He slides both hands inside his jacket pockets and watches the spring clouds grow in the vast sky. He sighs and looks to his right. The children playing with the cat are gone. There is only an old man arranging his vegetable crates and spraying water on the greenery. That cobblestoned path leads to the Bookstore where a shipment of books is waiting to be registered. It leads to his chosen duties, his sane, acceptable, manageable life. To a life he doesn't care about but a life in which he is safe. It leads to solitude and to longing dreams. That cobblestoned path on his right leads to a life of hypocrisy, ignorance and cowardice.

Nezumi stares at his boots before his gaze reluctantly but inevitably turns to his left. A wide range of mountains stand guard outside the city. Unlike the path on his right which he has taken countless times, Nezumi has crossed this path only once. It leads to a long journey which will take weeks to end. It leads to danger, to emotions, to hopes… to his greatest fears. It leads to a life of awareness, acceptance and surrender. It leads to his oath, to the most important thing he has ever had in his life, to the source of his hatred and to the core of his being. It is the path Nezumi avoided for 4 years. It is the path which makes his heart race just by looking at it. At the end of that path there are questions, doubts, fears… there is also warmth… there is company… a life of commitment... There is Shion.

Nezumi whistles the cheerful tune from his dream. The old man rises from the crates to look at him. The tune spilling out from Nezumi's lips, echo in the narrow street, floating up in the sky and joining the wind's gentle shifting. It fits strangely well in this old street and in this suspended moment. A perfect tune for a fresh spring morning. The whistle slowly quiets into a soft hum. Nezumi raises his shoulders and nestles his jaw and nose into his scarf. From underneath it, Shion's smell fills his nostrils.

_Why today?_

Nezumi doesn't know. He has had dreams of Shion before, many times over, but today, he just can't shake it off. His mind, his body, his soul… even his _heart _is filled with him and Nezumi can hear his call.

Shion is calling.

_I will never be fully ready to go back. It will never be an easy decision. No matter how long I wait… how long I keep him waiting, that first step to the path on my left will never be easier._

"We will surely meet again, Shion."

Nezumi straightens himself up. Gesturing to his mice with his head, he descends the steps on to the cobblestoned path.

_I might as well try to be ready when I am with him._

With that notion in mind, Nezumi takes the path on his left and starts the long journey which will take him back in time to a place he has long been trying to avoid; not once looking back at the path he left behind. His heart beats fast in his chest with each step but his feet feel surprisingly lighter.

Momentarily closing his eyes and allowing the feel of Shion from his dream fuel his legs, for the first time in 4 years, Nezumi genuinely smiles as he walks towards No.6.

Where Shion is waiting for him…

* * *

><p>My 6th No.6 fanfiction...<p>

Post-series... The idea of WHAT would exactly be the turning point for Nezumi to decide that he is going back to Shion had been on my mind for months. This is my version of things. I also have several other favorite alternatives written by other fanfic authors which I love. It isn't my best work but I feel somewhat a personal attachment to this piece. It is for No.6 and it is my 6th ever fanfiction. AND it is written with Nezumi's POV... Nezumi... Nezumi... Just Nezumi...

THE FANTASTIC ART WORK BELONGS TO STEEL-CHOCOLATE (Tumblr) She has bests of best fanarts of No.6 and I'm obsessed with her work. She showed me incredible kindness and draw me this picture as a cover for my fic...

No.6 belongs to Asano Atsuko. She is insane for creating such characters and such a story which I'm absolutely obsessed with. She isn't the BEST plot weaver I know but hell, her talent in creating character depth is almost eerie. *hats off*


	2. A Mother's Wish, A Man's Heart

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

Cravat chirps excitedly with the tip of his nose smelling the air through the hem of Nezumi's jean pocket. He can smell the familiar surroundings and he sounds almost sad that he can't be down on the ground scurrying around with joy like Hamlet does.

"Yeah, yeah I know. I don't need you guys chirping every two seconds to know we are there."

Nezumi walks up the last hill and stands facing No.6 with his foot over a jutting piece of rock, one he had overlooked the city on top of many times before, his backpack hanging loosely at his back and his hands in his jacket pockets. The wind blows his hair to his face. It isn't really cold nor is it warm. The sun has risen a few hours ago over the mountains behind the city and No.6… without the wall… glows under the golden rays like a snow globe only one made with sunshine.

_I already know we are here._

He considers stopping by his old place for a moment to check on his books but he doubts they are still there. There have always been thieves all around the West Block and the only thing that had prevented them from storming into his place at night was Nezumi's existence and the public knowledge of his skill with the knives. With him gone, he knows, it probably didn't take a couple of months, even weeks for everything to be stolen. Especially after the Manhunt 4 years ago. It was still the beginning of spring and people needed heating.

Nezumi winces. The idea of his entire collection of books being used as firewood hurts him more than the unfortunate fate of any other belonging he has ever had but what is gone is gone and sitting in the middle of the rubble and dirt and crying after it won't bring back what is lost. So he decides against stopping by his old hideout and with the decision comes a pang of nervousness and a strange sense of excitement because there is no more excuse to delay what is to come. The feeling creeps into his stomach and settles there like a hungry viper, crawling, turning, shifting inside him. Nezumi draws in a needful breath. Like he did several times during his journey back to No.6 he pulls his hand out of his pocket and touches the neck of Shion's shirt under his scarf and jacket. He feels like an idiot every time he does that, especially more so now because Shion is right _there_in the city glowing before him and he shouldn't need any more encouragement than that but also a part of him recognizes a distinction between the owner of the shirt and the one living in No.6 now. Nezumi hates to admit it… but he fears that the Shion from 4 years ago, the one who wore this very shirt… will somehow be different from the one in the city now.

There are other things that scare him but he doesn't even allow them creep into his mind. He rejects them, refuses them and sends them back to where they come from without giving them a moment's chance to take form in his head. Because he knows if he does, he won't be able to take another step forward for the rest of his life. But he has given a promise and Nezumi keeps his promises. The rest doesn't matter.

Or at least that's what he keeps telling himself.

Nezumi jumps down the rock to the ground immediately beneath it and starts walking towards the city. Even from here he can see drastic changes in his view. Most of the wall once surrounding No.6 is now gone. Compared to 4 years ago the West Block looks a lot more like the small town it once used to be probably thanks to the support of the city which once shut them all out. Most of the buildings seem repaired or in the process of being repaired and no matter how hard Nezumi looks he can't find any one with a gun in his hand chasing thieves down the road. The main road has been cleaned and paved and all the rubble and wreckage from the last Manhunt is nowhere to be seen. Nezumi feels slightly surprised to see how everyone seems adapted to this new order in which they are allowed to depend on the once evil entity called No.6 that degraded them as lower human beings. None of them appears to be on edge or frightened as they walk through the market with full bags in their hands. He knows it's been 4 years but he still can't help but think 4 years still shouldn't be enough to change everything so drastically.

"Are you a traveler, Mister?"

Nezumi looks down at the voice and sees a small boy, probably at the age of six or seven. He has brown hair and big brown eyes full of curiosity and a piece of pastry in his tiny hands. It seems impossible that a boy as defenseless as this is standing on the main road of West Block with something to eat in his hand without anyone attacking him.

"Yes, I am. What is your name?"

"Yuu, Mister. Where did you come from?"

Such innocence. Such honest, curious eyes. They remind him of Shion when he was 12. Nezumi puts a hand over the kid's head and smiles. There is no fear in the eyes of the little boy as Nezumi tousles his hair.

"From far, far away. Where is your mama?"

The boy looks behind him and points to a small meat shop with a tiny hand.

"She is there. She said we're gonna have stew for dinner tonight."

Nezumi smiles at him again.

"Do you know what goes really good with stew?"

Yuu's eyes widen with wonder as he looks up at him.

"What?"

"Cherry pie."

"Really?"

"Yes. They are inseparable."

A cheerful excitement sparkles in Yuu's eyes and he runs off to share this new information he has attained with his mother. He turns around before disappearing behind a crowd of people and yells back at him.

"Thank you Mister! I'll definitely tell my mom!"

Nezumi waves at him and continues down the road. It takes him 20 minutes to cross the West Block and the now wide open gates through the wall and enter the city. Nobody stops him or asks for any sort of identification. He notices immediately that the rest of the wall has also been torn down and a wide stone paved road has been carefully stretched between No.6 and the West Block, connecting them to each other. There are green saplings everywhere shooting from the ground as if they are determined to color the brown hills with green. It's already a winning cause.

Once inside the city another feeling Nezumi hasn't felt for a while comes over him. A nostalgic frustration of not knowing where to go. He has a general idea of the districts and the location of the Lost Town but just like the West Block, No.6 also seems to have changed during the last 4 years and it only adds more to Nezumi's confusion. He gestures Hamlet to lead the way, knowing that apart from a great memory of places his mice also have great memory of food and he doubts neither Hamlet nor Tsukiyo has ever eaten anything better than Karan's pastry.

Hamlet takes the lead and scurries hurriedly through the roads and streets of No.6. Nezumi follows close, passing people chattering with cheerful voices and kids playing in unfrequented roads. The change in the city seems to be for renovating reasons rather than for luxury seeking purposes as it was before. There is something else different in the city which Nezumi can't put his finger on. Just like the absence of the wall, he feels the absence of one more thing and it feels _good_. He looks around in a small park in the middle of Lost Town and suddenly it hits him. The order is gone.

The painstaking order in which every single flower, tree, animal and even park benches were placed is no longer there. The nature is still existent, maybe more prominent than before with all of the remaining life on earth but for the first time since Nezumi remembers, No.6 looks natural. There is nothing calculated and measured about the arrangement of flowers or trees or the animals that could occasionally be seen.

Hamlet chirps across the park next to a Sampo robot and Nezumi walks to him. _Two more streets,_Nezumi thinks and for a moment he is nailed on spot with an overpowering urge to go back. It is still not too late to turn around and disappear when there is no damage done. Shion still doesn't know he is back and maybe he is used to his absence already. Why bother him and ruin his life, again, when he can easily go back and leave him alone?

_Go back…where?_ he thinks to himself and he has no answer. He has nowhere to go back to. He never did. The moment he picked the path on his left over the right one in No.3 _this place_has been where he was going back to.

Hamlet looks up at him in askance. He is not happy with his master and seems like he would truly enjoy nibbling on his hands again for good measure. Nezumi ignores him. His hand reaches for the collar of Shion's shirt one more time and he keeps hearing his own voice promising Shion that they will meet again.

_Is this the extend of your cowardice?_ He asks himself. _Are you really that much of a coward that you'll run away from your own promise?_

Nezumi grimaces. He hates himself for his weakness but he knows when Shion sees him, everything will change. Nothing will ever be the same again and Nezumi will be forced to leave behind every mold and mask he feels relatively comfortable being in. He will never be able to go back to his life before he came here because Nezumi knows, if Shion is still waiting after 4 years, he will not, ever, let him go again.

_You have already known this when you decided to come back._

Hamlet chirps again at his feet. His exclaim is of encouragement this time rather than a complaint. Cravat also chirps from inside his pocket and even though he feels like crap, Nezumi finds it funny that they are trying so hard for him… and for Shion.

_I've made a promise. I looked into his eyes and swore to him that we would meet again. I kissed him to seal that vow. There is no going back._

"Nezumi?"

The voice startles him and he turns around to see Karan, Shion's mother, with two large shopping bags in her hands, standing 20 feet away with a surprised look on her face. Her initial surprise fades as an overwhelming compassion and a smile almost too bright too look at forms on her face.

"H-Hello Ma'am… How are you?" Nezumi sheepishly manages to ask as she walks to him. Although he has former experience Nezumi is still caught off guard when Karan drops her shopping bags and pulls Nezumi into a hug. He doesn't know what to do with his hands, or what to say for that matter so he just stands there letting her pull him against her chest. Her arms close around his shoulders and Nezumi leans over so she can reach him. He is taller than he was when he was 16 and she had had difficulty even then. Though that doesn't seem to stop her anyway. After a while she lets Nezumi go and asks with a voice warmer than the summer sun,

"When did you return?"

"I just entered the city maybe 10 minutes ago."

"Could you possibly have gotten lost Nezumi? You seemed like you were confused."

_Lost… yeah, you could say that._

"No, I actually have my mice leading the way. They seem unable to forget about your bakery."

Karan laughs wholeheartedly and kneels in front of Hamlet. Caressing the top of his head she speaks to the mice just as her son used to do.

"Hello there. It's been a while, hasn't it? Have you seen interesting places?"  
>Hamlet chirps excitedly and raises his head to her touch as his whiskers tremble with pleasure.<p>

"Ah, you are so sweet. Would you like something to eat?"

Hamlet scurries under her hand and starts running in a circle indicating the mere idea of her baked pastry sends him into an absolute frenzy. Karan giggles to herself before she rises to her feet and looks up at Nezumi with her molten brown eyes.

"Come on then Nezumi. You must be hungry too."

Nezumi feels a sensation close to panic surge through him. Being around Karan makes him feel nervous and he has this feeling that she always, always knows more than she shows. It is as if through a mere gaze, she can see the deepest parts of his heart and the darkest of his secrets and the most terrifying memories of his past. But she still looks at him with so much affection and care Nezumi eventually has to look away because he thinks that's a gaze he doesn't deserve. Not after everything he has taken away from her.

"Ma'am… maybe it is better if I just wait… for… uhm… him... I mean, Shion."

He can't even talk to her. Nezumi who has always prided in his ability to talk eloquently out of any situation can't even form a simple sentence to talk to this woman. He really can't say why Karan has such an effect on him but he thinks it must be because inexplicably, Nezumi respects her and the courage in her heart.

Nezumi feels Karan's touch on her arm and when he looks at her he is showered with another sun-warm smile.

"Shion doesn't live in the bakery with me anymore. He has his own place now."

At first Nezumi doesn't know what to make of it then he just dismisses the alternative of looking for him that present itself in his mind all too quickly; going back just because he doesn't know where he lives now. It isn't that easy anymore.

"Then if you could tell me, where his new place is Ma'am, I could just go wait for him there."

Karan smiles again before she talks.

"That brings us back to my invitation for you to eat something first because Shion quite possibly won't be home until late evening anyway. There is no point waiting in the street. Just come and eat while you wait."

Then her smile widens.

"Shion would be really mad at me if I leave you to wait for him in the street for hours."

Nezumi knows she is probably right so he doesn't argue when she starts walking almost as if she is sure Nezumi will follow. And follow he does but not before he asks for the shopping bags in Karan's hands.

"Ah, thank you Nezumi. You are really very kind."

Nezumi feels blood rushing to his head and recognizes the feeling at once; embarrassment.

_What the hell am I doing? Carrying bags for Shion's mother… I can't believe how just as easily adapted I am to domesticity as those people in the West Block are._

Karan walks without talking for a while as Nezumi has an internal fight with himself then after a side-glance at Nezumi's direction she notes,

"You've gotten taller."

"I guess so."

"Shion's also… but I don't think he is taller than you. He'll be disappointed."

Nezumi can't help but smile at that.

"Too tall wouldn't work for him anyway," he says before he realizes that he is talking to _Karan_ about _Shion's_height. Compared to 10 minutes ago, his situation right now seems unbelievable.

Karan laughs and agrees,

"That's what I told him too."

Nezumi waits with Karan's shopping bags in his hands as she unlocks the door to her bakery.

"I've only left for 20 minutes to get some ingredients, I hope no one came while I was out," she says worriedly as she gestures Nezumi in.

The moment Nezumi drops the shopping bags on Karan's counter the bell at the door rings and a couple of kids come inside happily chattering amongst one another. They ask for scones and Karan gives them a bag full of scones with cherry jam and even the mere smell make Nezumi realize just how hungry he really is.

When the kids leave after expressing their love for the bakery and the lady with magical hands, Karan turns around and guides Nezumi into the back of the shop where she does the baking with a tiny eating area at the corner.

"Why don't you take off your backpack and jacket? I'll put them away for you."

Nezumi just obeys without thinking and it is a little too late when he notices the look on Karan's face at the sight of the white shirt he wore over his gray long sleeve. It is a very common type of shirt, so she can't possibly know it belongs, or belonged, to Shion once but her expressions suggests otherwise. And yet she doesn't say anything about it but Nezumi thinks as he sits down with embarrassment sinking deep inside his stomach that he caught a glimpse of a smile on her lips.

"So… when did Shion move out?" he asks in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"It's been over a year. At first he didn't want to leave because whenever he had time from his busy committee schedule he would help me with my deliveries and sales. But he eventually had to move to his own place, somewhere closer to Chronos so he wouldn't lose as much time going there and coming back home. He refuses to use the bullet train or a car. He says he only feels alive when he rides his old bicycle." Karan shakes her head affectionately at her son's antics as she pulls out freshly baked croissants from the oven and sets them neatly on a plate for Nezumi.

Nezumi thinks he can easily imagine Shion, riding his bicycle down a road, with his head thrown back so he could feel the wind on his face. Somehow that scene he imagines reminds him of his screaming in the storm 8 years ago… That's his rebellion. His declaration of freedom. That's just, _Shion_.

He hears himself chuckle and feels momentarily surprised until Karan brings him his plate full of freshly baked croissants with a mirroring smile on her face. The look and the smell of the croissants make his mouth water but he tries to eat them slowly in order not to appear like a starving monster that has spent the last 10 years of his life in a desert.

Karan sits down next to him with a small plate of left-overs from the morning and puts it down on the floor for the two mice who have been considerate enough to disappear until they were told it was safe to come out. They attack the food with no reservations at all and it only makes Karan laugh as she rubs their heads with her fingers.

"The white one is Hamlet, am I right?"

"Yes. That's what Shion named him because apparently he likes listening to Shion read Hamlet to him."

"Then you must be Cravat." Karan tells the light brown mouse named after her own cravats because of his color. Cravat looks up at her and chirps proudly before diving for more cheese cake.

"Tsukiyo will be so happy to see you two." she says and with the mention of their friend both the mice look up at her and chirp excitedly even forgetting about their food for a while.

"How is he doing?" Nezumi asks, translating for the mice.

"Oh he is great. He stays with Shion but he sometimes comes all the way here to keep me company during the days."

"I'm sure he enjoys the pastry as much as your company Ma'am."

"You can call me Karan, my dear. He enjoys the pastry at least as much as these two do. You could even say he is now a slightly over-weighted mouse."

Nezumi feels his throat constrict upon hearing Karan say 'my dear' and he is immediately assaulted by another wave of restlessness coming from not knowing what to say. Feeling cornered, he decides to comment on her pastry.

"I couldn't blame him really. You are really a commendable baker."

"Thank you Nezumi! I'm glad you liked it! Come here for more anytime you want."

Nezumi murmurs his thanks and then they fall silent. Karan lets him eat for a while as she plays with the mice. Nezumi almost wishes she had some customers now so he could at least pull himself together and act like a decent human being with manners.

"He will be so happy to see you."

Karan speaks still looking down at the mice but somehow Nezumi knows she isn't talking to the mice. He swallows the last bite of his crescent shaped croissant with difficulty then forces himself to speak.

"How… how is he Ma… Karan?"

Karan looks up at him and smiles.

"He is okay... Really." Karan replies… Then her cheery expression is shadowed with something like sadness and she continues.

"It was hard at first. He had so many things he had to do, so many responsibilities and he had it really hard for some time… He wouldn't sleep at night. He thinks I don't know about all those nights he stayed up awake working himself to exhaustion or just got out on the roof terrace and stared somewhere in the distance for hours."

She smiles kindly again.

"Initially I wasn't sure why. But then I figured it out. It was really hard for him."

İOh please… Don't say what I think you are about to say… Please don't./i

Nezumi looks down at his empty plate as if it is the most interesting thing in the entire world and wishes with all of his might that Karan doesn't continue with that revelation.

"I wish he would share more with me. I wish he would tell me about the boy who saved his life, my son's life, over and over again. But that is the one thing I can't make him talk about."

Nezumi feels as if his whole face is on fire. Sitting at the back of Karan's bakery with Shion's shirt on him and listening to her talk about things he didn't even let himself think about is something he never thought would happen in a million years. He should have known it though. Going back to Shion meant going back to No.6. It meant being a part of a life which was initially Shion's to begin with. With all the places and people in it.

"I… he saved me too. He saved me just as many times as I've saved him… if not more."

Karan doesn't speak and Nezumi can't look at her. Then suddenly, he feels her hand over his head, gently caressing his hair. It is almost unbearable but Nezumi wills himself to stay and take it. He can be rude and acrimonious with anyone, but he will never reject this woman or her touch. If she wants to hug him or caress his hair, he will stay there and let her. He owes her that after everything she had to suffer because of him. And yet what she might say to him scares him, when his determination is still hanging on the end of a thread as fine as silk.

"I'm... I'm sorry." he manages to murmur.

Karan's hand come to a stop over his head. Nezumi can't look at her but he can hear the surprise in her voice.

"What could you possibly be apologizing to me for Nezumi?"

"If.. if it wasn't for me, Shion's life wouldn't be in jeopardy in the fist place. He wouldn't need any saving. You wouldn't have lost your beautiful house in Chronos and had to live here, stripped of all your rights."

Nezumi forces himself to look at her.

"If it wasn't for me, he would never have gone through what he did. He wouldn't have changed. He would still be... the Shion from when he was 12."

Karan listens to him until he finishes and he looks away. Feeling her heart ache for not the boy he has given birth to but for the one sitting in front him right now, Karan leans forward and takes both of his hands in hers.

"I've lost nothing Nezumi. The life we had in Chronos... although indeed beautiful and easy, was not a happy life. There was no joy of living, no aspiration, no challenge, no purpose. I'm happy here. You have tasted my goods. Do they taste like they were made by someone who isn't happy with the job they have?"

Nezumi can only shake his head.

"Do you really think this whole case with the wasps and the government plotting wouldn't have happened if Shion hadn't have met you? Of course it would. They had been planning for that for years. If it wasn't for you, Nezumi, Shion would be dead. Because there would be no one to save him."

Karan caresses his head again before adding,

"You have given me my son. You don't owe me anything. But there is so much I owe you my boy. So much!"

She leans over and continues,

"Shion has become so strong... so strong after meeting you. Yes Nezumi, he did change. He turned into a man I'm proud of. You have given him something no one else, not even me could give. Everytime I look at him, I see you in his eyes. And, I understand now why he admires you so much."

Nezumi just can't take it anymore. He wants to get away, and hide in a corner in which only there he can think about it all this and process their meanings. He can't look at her and find anything to say for the life of him. He just nods and looks down at his feet.

Karan pulls her hand away and speaks before he does.

"Let me give you something sweet to keep you energized."

Nezumi feels his entire body relax with the change of subject.

"There really is no need M-Karan. I'm good."

Karan is already up on her feet though, pulling a wide plate from the fridge.

"I actually baked this for Shion. It is his favorite, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind me giving some to you."

And even before he sees it Nezumi knows it is cherry pie. Karan's cherry pie. A taste bearing 8 years. Karan cuts him a generous slice and leaves the plate in front of him just as the bell rings. There are customers.

"I'll be right back," Karan says and as her back disappears behind the curtains Nezumi thinks he couldn't be more grateful for the customers arriving at this moment. He stares at the plate in front him still feeling Karan's touch on his head and the thought of Shion staring out in the distance for hours at night overtaking his mind. He is finally given some peace of mind about how thoroughly he destroyed Shion's life. He sees the drops falling before he feels them and his hand immediately reaches over his eyes to wipe his tears away before Karan returns.

When she does return, Nezumi has collected himself and is taking small bites from his cherry pie.

"Is it good?" Karan asks a little worried with how serious Nezumi looks.

"It is delicious." Nezumi smiles for the first time since he ran into her and Karan's face shine at the sight of his smile.

"I'm so glad you liked it!"

"It is my favorite too." Nezumi replies kindly. "And no one makes it the way you do."

Karan blushes with happiness but as Nezumi rises to his feet her eyes show concern.

"Leaving already?"

"I would like to go and wait for Shion at his new place. He might just come home early today and I don't want to miss him."

The moment he says it, he _feels_ it. He _wants_to see him. He wants to see him so bad, his heart quickens at the thought.

"But are you going to wait outside? I really don't feel good about this Nezumi."

"It is okay Karan. Really. I'd rather be there when he comes back."

Karan looks at him for a while before her brown eyes shine with excitement.

"Oh I just thought about something!"

"What is it?" Nezumi asks a little wary.

"Shion had given me a spare key to his flat. I'll just give it to you so you can go to his house and wait for him to come back. I just need to remember where I put it." Karan says laughing.

"Are you sure? I can wait for him outside."

"No I can't let that happen. There are still hours before he comes back. It is just 1:30pm." says Karan as she goes to check a cupboard at the far side of the small kitchen. Going through the drawer on the left, she makes a victorious sound and turns around with a pair of keys in her hands. She walks to Nezumi and shows him the long one of the two.

"This is his house key. The other one is for his mailbox. You just use it and get inside and make yourself at home until he comes back."

"Thank you." is all Nezumi can manage to say. But Karan isn't satisfied until she gives him a whole basket of pastry that could keep him going for 2 weeks in the West Block, claiming that he would get hungry while waiting. Donning his jacket and picking up his backpack Nezumi walks to the door with Karan following behind. Hamlet and Cravat disappear from the kitchen, choosing a different route to meet Nezumi outside.

"I'm so glad I got to talk to you Nezumi." Karan says and there is so much sincerity in her voice Nezumi is immediately reminded of everything she said in her kitchen. But he still meets her gaze and smiles at her a heartfelt smile as he replies,

"I'm too M… Karan." Nezumi answers. Karan chuckles at the last moment change and reaches forward to hug him again. Nezumi has been expecting it so he leans over and lets her hold him close. Before she pulls back Karan whispers in his ear 4 words. And when she lets him go Nezumi sees her eyes have watered up although she is smiling. She pats his cheek affectionately and waits at her bakery's door until Nezumi disappears from sight in the direction Karan has told him to go.

_How strong he looks,_ Karan thinks, _and how fragile his heart really is._ Probably even more so than anyone Karan has ever met. An overwhelming need to protect him surges through her heart and Karan understands a _fraction_of why he means so much, so inexplicably much to Shion. Her gratitude to Nezumi for saving her son's life will never fade but now it isn't the only thing that connects them and makes Karan love Nezumi with all her heart. He is the one Shion chose and Karan is proud of her son for choosing a man like him.

And Nezumi walks to Shion's new place with both of his mice tagging along. His heart feels lighter and determination stronger. Through the entire journey from Karan's Bakery to Shion's new apartment Nezumi doesn't once think about going back. Instead, in his mind, he keeps repeating the words Shion's mother whispered in his ear before letting him go…

Words that have always been the purpose of his life ever since he was 12. Words that had kept him going through everything and anything he had to bear. His only little selfish wish. A mere command he repeated to himself in the past 8 years over and over again.

Just as Karan has gently requested of him… And just as his own heart told him to do...

"Take care of him."


	3. Closing The Window

N

* * *

><p>Shion's new apartment is nothing like how Nezumi pictured it. He has thought it would be something akin to his old house in Chronos with the numerous fountains and spacious interior overlooking the large back yard it sat on. But it turns out to be an ordinary looking apartment, only five stories tall with plain, light cream colors that are used in two tones to emphasize the building's elegant lines which refer to no particular architectural style. According to Karan's instructions, Shion's flat is on the second floor to the right. Although this place is quite close to Chronos, it isn't <em>in<em> Chronos and Nezumi wonders why Shion has chosen this place where he could quite possibly have anywhere he wanted with his high position in the Reconstruction Committee. Hell, he could even live in the Moondrop if he wanted to. More than likely he just wanted to be close to Karan but Nezumi thinks that maybe, after everything; Shion simply didn't want a house in Chronos regardless of where his mother lived.

It feels warm inside the apartment. There is an elevator on the left but Nezumi takes the stairs. Standing in front of Shion's flat he pulls out the keys Karan has given him. Feeling slightly nervous although he knows Shion is not, yet, home, Nezumi unlocks the door and pushes it open with a single hand before entering the apartment. There is a small space for shoes and for hanging outwear right behind the door. Nezumi takes his boots off, rids himself of his backpack and enters the flat, looking around at the same time. Hamlet and Cravat are right at his heels, moving slower than usual taking in this foreign place.

Nezumi takes off his scarf and jacket and puts them on a couple of hangers next to a black coat, presumably Shion's, in an inbuilt cupboard on his right in the entrance hall.

The small space opens directly to a relatively spacious living area with a combined kitchen across the room. There are three doors on his right, one of them, the one farthest from him, is slightly ajar while the other two are closed. As he walks inside the living area Nezumi notices that Shion has a beautiful view of a large plantation and the man-made riverbank that separates Chronos from the rest of No.6.

There is an open window at the far left side of the living room facing the kitchen area. The curtains oscillate lazily with the spring wind. Nezumi wonders why it has been left open since he can see a full-fledged air conditioner utility mounted on the wall and a small digital screen next to the inbuilt cupboard to adjust the temperature and humidity inside the entire house.

Nezumi crosses the living space and puts down the basket of pastries Karan has given him on the kitchen counter, and then he wanders around the flat touching the backs of a set of comfortable looking beige seats as he passes them to take a closer look at a collection of pictures aligned neatly on top of an elegantly carved semi-marble mantelpiece. He recognizes Karan in one of the pictures at once. Although her hair much shorter, she has the same kind, gentle smile, holding on to a younger Shion, younger than Nezumi has ever seen him, with dark brown hair and big brown eyes. The little Shion is barely even 8, possibly younger and the defiant look on his face makes Nezumi smile to himself. He notices one of the pictures is relatively new and is of Inukashi with a small, round-faced kid holding on to her hand and a couple of dogs on either side of them, apparently more pleased posing for a camera than Inukashi seems to be. The child must be the one Shion saved from the rubble during the Manhunt 4 years ago. Nezumi can't imagine how Shion convinced the stubborn new-mama for a picture taking as he can see that Inukashi is not happy in it at all. There is also a picture of Safu, young and alive with an old lady by her side. It should be her grandmother considering what Shion has told him. The girl smiles brightly at the camera which was in all probability held by Shion during the taking of this picture. Nezumi can see the love in her eyes even just by looking at it. He can't believe how dense Shion can be for a proven genius.

"I'll take good care of him." Nezumi hears himself speaking to the dead girl. He waits for the sense of embarrassment or disgust with himself for his weakness to crash over him but instead he just feels something close to closure. This was something he had wanted to tell her in the correctional facility but it had only became one of those things in Nezumi's mind that were never said. There was too much confusion then, too many things happening all at once that required them to think, talk and act fast. Shion was a mess and Nezumi was sure he had finally begun to hate Nezumi after seeing his true colors. He had underestimated Shion though. He had always underestimated Shion.

But Safu had never done that. She probably knew Shion better than anyone else. And she was brave enough to talk about her feelings. She had found a way to reach out and save him even after death.

"I promise, Safu." Nezumi mutters. "I'll take good care of him."

Feeling slightly relieved, Nezumi turns around and takes a long sweeping look at the entire living space and kitchen. The flat doesn't feel unfamiliar because every inch of it reflects Shion and his personality, with occasional paper piles here and there, a tiny pet box with cushions against the tall windows which Nezumi suspects to be for Tsukiyo, some text books on the coffee table, the clean dishes left to dry on the dish holder next to kitchen sink. Pleasantly tidy with those small signs of life.

He suddenly realizes that when he left 4 years ago, Shion had nothing to remind him by. Unlike Nezumi, who had succumbed to the irrational need to take Shion's shirt with him, Shion had nothing solid to hold on to. That's why there wasn't a picture of Nezumi on the mantelpiece, or anything that once belonged to him adorning the place Shion now lived in. Thinking of how much he has needed the mere existence of the shirt, Nezumi feels a crushing sense of guilt and remorse for leaving so abruptly.

_But I wasn't leaving… I was running away._

His stomach twists remembering Karan's words… Shion, looking out in the distance at night, trying to hold on to the only thing he had of Nezumi; his memories… and one more time, he hates himself for being so selfish and for expecting Shion to wait for him for so long without hearing a word from him.

Nezumi needs to wash his face and change the course of his thoughts because it is getting dangerously close to his suppressed desire to run out of the door and never came back. He doesn't know how he'll look in Shion's eyes when he comes back. He'd be right to punch him, beat him to a pulp or kick him out and yell him to never show his face again. He would be right and Nezumi would have no excuses or explanations to offer him. There would only be the fact that Nezumi is now here and whatever his coming back means to Shion. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Nezumi walks to the first closed door hoping to find a bathroom behind it but the door opens to a medium-sized study with a half-glass, half-metal desk, lots of filing cabinets and even more paper lying around.

He quietly opens the next door and stands frozen at the threshold, his heart beating fast and hard against his chest. The smell dominates his senses and it is almost unbelievable how much Nezumi truly underestimates Shion.

The entire room is a library with book shelves from wall to wall leaving barely enough space for an couch in the center that looks out at heels. Nezumi recognizes the majority of the collection of books is his own, put away carefully and neatly in their shelves with painstaking order. It must have taken him months, no, years to do this and he hasn't even stopped there. He has searched and found the missing pieces Nezumi had always wanted to add to his collection and has added even some of his own initiative.

Nezumi's books have never been stolen or burned.

Shion has saved them.

Nezumi still can't move. He can't even imagine how Shion managed to carry all these books here from his old hideout in the West Block without anything happening to him. He most likely did it in the first couple of months after Nezumi left, early enough so they wouldn't get stolen to be burned as firewood but how could he have done it with the West Block residents pouring into the city and when there was so much disorder and chaos going on?

Nezumi finally walks to the closest shelf and runs his fingers down the spine of _The_ _Happy_ _Prince_.

His throat feels tight and his heart is still beating too fast. He spends more than three hours in the library, amongst the books Shion saved for him. Just picking up a book, reading a few passages before putting it away and switching to another one. On top of one of the bookcases, Nezumi spots a rectangular shaped object which somehow looks familiar to him. Pulling it down he discovers it is a keepsake which would be absolutely meaningless to anyone who saw it other than Shion and himself. It's the first aid kit. It is probably the only object on earth that has witnessed the entire course of Nezumi and Shion's relationship from the first day they met eight years ago. An invaluable piece of junk. A solid object to hold on to.

_So he did have something_… He looks at the entire room filled with books… He had something, just as Nezumi had his shirt.

Nezumi puts it back on the bookcase and sits on the old couch in the middle of the room. There are a couple of hours till sunset and according to Karan, that's around the time Shion gets home if not working on something that demands more of his time. Every time he thinks about Shion returning to his flat, completely unaware that Nezumi is waiting for him, his hands shake and his heart threatens to leap out of his chest.

Nezumi munches on a couple of peach jam scones Karan has included in the basket she gave him and then continues his search for a bathroom. There is only Shion's bedroom with the door left ajar which he hasn't checked so pushes the door all the way back feeling slightly guilty as if he is trespassing His Majesty's private chambers which is ridiculous, considering the fact that they shared a room smaller than this room for months 4 years ago. The bedroom's larger than Shion's study but smaller than the living area. There is a double bed on the left side of the door with its covers left surprisingly messy. A door on the other side of the bed suggests a bathroom's existence and two large glass doors hidden behind burgundy curtains at the far side of the room opposing the bed seem to open to a balcony. Nezumi enters the room aiming for the bathroom, however, he can't help but stop by Shion's bed and touch the bed covers.

_So, that's where he sleeps at night._

He sits on his bed, presumably on Shion's side if the mess of the bedding is any cue. He is tired of trying to imagine him; he can already feel a steady headache building up so he just buries his head in his pillow.

The first inhale throws him off balance. His thoughts lose all coherence and consistency. Both his hands close around the pillow in tight fists and he holds his breath, holds Shion's precious scent in his lungs until his entire being craves for more. The second inhale is even sweeter than the first, much stronger, and prominent with Shion's distinctive smell. It is nothing like the ghost of a smell he had been literally consuming off of Shion's shirt in the past 4 years. It is rich, powerful, saturating and… Nezumi sighs with relief… it is the _same_. It is the same as it has always been.

Nezumi doesn't know how long he lies there, breathing Shion's smell. Hardly managing not to dose off on his bed, Nezumi wills himself to get up and use the bathroom and then he leaves Shion's room. He goes to the entrance hall and hides his boots and backpack so they aren't the first thing Shion sees the moment he walks in the door. If possible, Nezumi wants to take his time before revealing himself.

Walking to the open window, Nezumi pulls aside the curtains and looks outside. The sun is gently rolling down the evening dome, dyeing the west of the globe with bright colors of fire. The temperature is slowly dropping but it is still not chilly enough to bother him. He looks down and sees that climbing up here would actually be considerably easy thanks to a patio below. The mystery of the open window seems to unravel in his mind and Nezumi smiles to himself.

_That's so like him, isn't it?_

Nezumi stands at the window for a while and watches the sun set. When the evening air starts digging its icy teeth into his skin he pulls back. His whole body is in synch with the time. He can feel Shion coming.

He is almost home.

Nezumi closes the window.

* * *

><p>S<p>

* * *

><p>"Shion!"<p>

Shion turns around in the parking lot to see one of his co-workers, Anthea-san, calling out to him and from the look of it she has also just left work. Her pregnancy has recently begun to show and she has that brilliant beauty of a becoming-mother simply _radiating_ from her face.

"Would you like a ride?" she asks.

"Oh, no Anthea-san. Thank you so much but I've got my bike with me."

"Are you sure Shion? It's getting chilly."

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you."

"Anytime. Will you be attending the Memorial Day in two days?"

"Of course. See you there Anthea-san."

"See you Shion! Have a nice weekend!

Then she points her finger at him and adds,

"Be careful on that bicycle now, you always make your mother worry."

Shion chuckles and waves at her before turning around to walk to the bicycle post. Freeing his bike, he jumps on it and starts pedaling down the road to his home.

Tsukiyo chirps excitedly from inside his chest pocket. He has been doing that non-stop since the morning. Shion looks down at him and smiles.

"Hang in there Tsukiyo. Once I cross the riverbank you can jump off and go to Mom's. I'm sure she'll have something delicious prepared for you."

Tsukiyo protests and squirms inside his pocket. Shion asks baffled,

"How can you be THAT hungry when I've fed you two hours ago! I gave half of my lunch to you!"

Tsukiyo only continues to wriggle and chirp every now and then with a shrill squeak.

Shion takes one of his secret shortcuts saved for chilly days like this when he wants to go home quickly. Locking the pedals he lets the bicycle glide down the empty road, adjusting the speed with light squeezes to his rear brake. It really is getting cold but Shion enjoys this. The sense of the wind attacking his skin, rustling through his clothes and shifting around him makes him feel alive. He smiles as he closes his eyes and the memory of the wounded boy with rain drenched clothes greets him, as he does every time.

_Nezumi…_

His mind's voice cradles the name. Speaking it softly with care and devotion. The name crosses his mind countless times every single day; he sometimes wakes up calling out for him or searching for his warmth in the bed next to him. Even after four years, nothing has changed. He is still the first person Shion thinks about when he sees something beautiful, first person he wants to talk to when he has questions. He wonders where he is, what he is doing, what he eats, drinks, wears and reads. He wonders if he still sings, or recites from classics. Whether he has gotten taller or whether his hair is longer. He could have gotten a haircut too, and Shion thinks he would look just as beautiful if he did.

He wonders if he ever thinks about him.

"Nezumi," Shion sighs.

Tsukiyo squeaks louder, curling, shifting inside his chest pocket. He sounds so desperate Shion feels bad for him.

"Almost there, Tsukiyo. Just a bit longer."

Shion leans over the handlebar and pedals faster. He crosses the pedestrian bridge over the river, finds an unfrequented spot near the bank and pulls on the brakes.

"There, you can go now."

Tsukiyo doesn't jump out off his pocket. He sticks his head out and squeaks again and Shion is left wondering what could be wrong with him.

"You don't want to go to Mom's?"

Chirp, chirp.

"What is your problem then? You've been acting weird since noon."

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

"Want to go home?"

Chirp.

"That's where we were going in the first place. Really Tsukiyo, you are so weird today."

A loud chirp.

Shion pushes himself forward and pedals the rest of the way back home. When he reaches his apartment Tsukiyo jumps out of his pocket and disappears in the rain pipes without waiting for him.

_He must be really hungry if he couldn't even wait to go to my Mother's._

Locking his bike at the bicycle post, Shion enters the building and takes the stairs, ignoring the elevator. Ever since 4 years ago, he has a strong distaste for elevators and he avoids them as much as he can even if it means climbing up ten stories at work to get to his office.

Fumbling in his pocket, he pulls out his keys and unlocks his door. He has turned off the auto lights in his apartment because even something as light as Tsukiyo's scurry could set off the motion sensor. Electricity is more valuable now then it was four years ago since the city shares the power it produces with the West Block and Shion believes in conversation.

He enters his flat.

* * *

><p>N<p>

* * *

><p>Nezumi is at the threshold of Shion's bedroom, leaning into the door frame. He doesn't dare to move an inch and merely listens to Shion move around until finally, he stands in the middle of his living area, illuminated with the gentle glow of the pale pink twilight sky and his eyes fixed on the window Nezumi closed.<p>

His snowy white hair is longer, much longer than it has ever been, tied up in a messy ponytail at the back of his neck. He is wearing a pair of dark grey, washed out jeans and a white sweatshirt over it with his sleeves pulled up to his elbows. He has _eyeglasses_… rectangular, thin-framed eyeglasses_… _on and Nezumi can see from his hiding spot that he is frowning behind them.

"How?"

Oh, his voice… it has such a deeper tone than how Nezumi remembers it. A low, deep baritone. Shion slowly walks to the window and checks the window handle. Nezumi knows it is shut tight and Shion looks down at his feet in confusion.

"I'm sure I left it open."

_So, I was right. He did leave it open on purpose._

Nezumi's heart beats hard against his chest, half of his being urging him to go forward, take him in his arms and tell him he is back, while the other half fears how he might react to his return. His hands feel slick with sweat. For a single moment he even thinks if he could jump from the balcony in Shion's room and run before Shion sees him. While staring at Shion's back, the things he avoided thinking during the entire journey back to No.6 catches up with him.

What if he rejects him?

What if it is already too late?

Shion seems thoughtful. Nezumi hears the mice wriggle on the bed and gestures them to be quiet. If it wasn't for Tsukiyo suddenly emerging in the middle of the living area Nezumi would be caught by Shion on _his_ couch reading _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. He has used his most commanding tone to stop the three mice's tearful reunion getting out of control. Now they are huddled close on Shion's bed staring at Nezumi's back with watchful eyes.

"Maybe I'm finally losing my mind." Shion murmurs and there is a distinctive note of sadness in his voice and it is so clear, so submissive it effectively puts an end to Nezumi's internal fight. Moving as soundlessly as ever, Nezumi takes a few steps forward and replies.

"Not really. I closed it."

Shion freezes.

Nezumi is sure Shion can hear his heartbeat, because it is too freaking loud in his ears. Shion's hands start to shake; Nezumi's are no different. He hears him take a tremulous breath and then he slowly turns around to face him. As if he thinks if he turns too fast, the source of the voice will disappear like a mirage.

Shion sees him. His ruby eyes wide under the eyeglasses. A shaking hand rises to his face and Shion takes them off. As his hand helplessly drops to his side, his glasses fall out of his hand and lands almost soundlessly on the carpeted floor.

They stare at each other. Grey into red.

Neither of them moves.

There is nothing to say.

And then Shion moves forward and it could be to hit him, beat him to a pulp or to embrace him but it doesn't matter because Nezumi moves towards him as well. He doesn't think, doesn't calculate, he just _moves_ because it is _Shion_ and Nezumi won't let him take another step in solitude for _his_ sake.

In the blink of an eye Shion is in his arms. Nezumi hears him draw in a hungry breath against his neck the moment Shion's smell fills his lungs. He can't be any closer to him that they are already are but it still feels like they aren't close enough. Shion's arms tighten around his back and Nezumi pulls him to himself.

"Shion…" he breathes and feels the body in his arms shiver. He wants to see his face and look into his eyes but he can't let him go, for the life of him, he _can't let him go._

"N-Nezumi…" Shion whispers and without warning, he breaks down. He starts crying on his shoulder, his whole body shaking with sobs he tries to keep under control. Nezumi holds him and with each passing moment it feels like he will never be able to stop.

Trying to breathe through his sobs, Shion clings onto him and yet in a few seconds his legs give away. Nezumi slumps down with him. There is so much agony in his heart he feels like it will kill him. _This _is what he has done to the boy he owed his life, his heart, his soul, his… _everything_. Pulling him closer Nezumi finds his ear and whispers,

"I am… sorry. Shion… I'm so… sorry."

It shouldn't be possible but hearing him say that makes Shion cry harder. Nezumi pulls away and cups his face in both hands. His brilliant ruby eyes sparkle with tears but he doesn't look away. They stare at each other for a long time, taking in each other's faces. Then Nezumi talks again,

"I… am really sorry. I… I have no excuses… I… Shion, I'm so sorry."

Shion sniffs and raises a hand to Nezumi's face. Touching his cheek he replies with a thick voice,

"It's okay Nezumi. I understand."

And his eyes are filled with fresh tears. He looks at him the same way he always has, his gaze filled with immeasurable affection.

"I finally understand," he adds and Nezumi realizes he really does. He doesn't need to explain or offer any excuse, because one more time, he thinks bitterly, he had been underestimating Shion and that he truly knows Nezumi better than any other living being in the world. He feels it sting but he accepts it. He has no place to complain about it or no face to run away from the pain when the boy…no… the man in front of him with long white tresses and tear streaked face has gone through so much pain for his sake.

"Your hair is fantastic." Nezumi comments with half a smile. Shion wetly returns it.

"It's getting in the way. I don't know how you managed for so long. And yours is even longer now."

"It does take some expertise." Nezumi replies with another smile brushing his white locks away from his face.

"Did you really come through the window?" Shion asks incredulously, sniffing as he talks. His whole face lights up when Nezumi chuckles.

"No, I've grown out of that old habit of mine. Though I see you still keep your windows open. Such an unhealthy habit I might add, especially now when the Holy City isn't as safe as it used to be."

"I had to. I feel… felt… restless whenever I didn't."

Nezumi notices the change in the tenses. His heart reacts to it in two fast beats.

"Who'd bother climbing up walls when I have keys." he replies with a smirk.

Shion's mouth falls open.

"Keys? How do you have key- Oh…" understanding shows in his eyes.

"You went to Mom's bakery first." he determines.

"Positive. She fed me her pastry and insisted I take the keys and make myself at home until Your Highness returned to his grounds."

Shion's hands tighten around Nezumi's and he looks up into his silvery grey eyes.

"When did you come?"

"I entered the city around noon. Came to your house a couple of hours after that."

Shion looks down.

"You have been here for hours and I didn't even know."

Nezumi hooks a finger under his chin and makes him meet his gaze.

"I specifically asked your mother to not tell you. I wanted to surprise you."

Shion wipes the last traces of his tears and smiles.

"That, you did splendidly."

But his smile fades quickly. He looks down again at their entwined hands. Nezumi can tell there is something on his mind that bothers him.

"Shion…"

He looks up at him and Nezumi sees more sadness in his eyes.

_Why?_

_Wasn't he supposed to be happy? Isn't this what he wanted?_

_Did I say something wrong?_

…

_Is it really… too late?_

Nezumi's chest aches.

"What is it, Shion?"

Shion tries to smile at him but the smile breaks half-way. Nezumi's heart picks up in fear. Whatever Shion is thinking, it makes him grimace. He seems unable to look into Nezumi's eyes but he forces himself to do so. He asks slowly with an agonized voice,

"How-how long… will you-" he can't finish because his lips are sealed shut with Nezumi's. Shion breathes out in surprise and both his hands rise to lock around Nezumi's wrists as he holds Shion's face and kisses him deeply on the lips. It is nothing like the quick peck Shion had given him four years ago in disguise of an innocent goodnight wish, it isn't even like the first real kiss Shion has ever had, again from Nezumi, before their owner had turned around and left him standing on a hill. Nezumi feels it is almost desperate… hungry… demanding… it is _ethereal_. He tilts his head for a better angle and his tongue touches lightly against Shion's lips. His abdomen twists and something deep in the core of his body awakens when Shion parts his lips and suddenly his taste, his sweet, delicious taste floods into Nezumi's mouth. Shion breathes hard through his nose and a moan escapes between their pressed lips. It is Shion's. Nezumi feels his voice resonate over his own tongue and then Shion grabs the front of Nezumi's shirt and pulls him closer, seeming unable to hold himself back. Nezumi leans in though, gratefully obeying his direction and his tongue dives deep inside Shion's mouth. There is so much in the kiss, so much more than mere skill and that makes it painfully beautiful. Shion's hands shake holding onto Nezumi's shirt. His taste sets his every nerve ablaze, every single cell screams for more. They are so close; Nezumi can feel his heart beating very fast against his chest. Under Shion's palm, his own heart beats almost as fast as Shion's and that simple fact sends a shiver down his spine. Nezumi's hands make their way into Shion's hair, undoing the loose ponytail. He runs his fingers through the silky locks of curious white as his mouth moves with a sensual rhythm over Shion's. Holding his head securely in his hands, Nezumi finally pulls back with an inhale when their need for air temporarily beats their need for each other's lips.

Nezumi can feel Shion's jagged breathing ghost over his own lips as they sit on the floor facing each other with their foreheads touching. He looks at Shion to find that his eyes are still closed, his hands still holding on to his shirt. His skin glows in the dim light. Long, white eyelashes, the pale pink scar, now masculine features, but still beautiful, gentle lines… His looks _exquisite._ Nezumi's calming heart picks up again just by being so close to him.

Leaning in, Nezumi kisses him one more time. Slower, softer this time. Beginning like the touch of a feather and gradually melting into something more immersed. When Nezumi pulls back, Shion's head involuntarily follows his retreating lips. A smile spreads across Nezumi's face when Shion's eyes open and he stares at him with wonder in his eyes.

It's the same look he had given him when they were dancing four years ago… The same look he had given him in his dream. Nezumi brushes Shion's reddened bottom lip with his thumb and whispers.

"I am surprised."

Shion's crimson eyes hold his luminescent gaze.

"About what?"

Nezumi smiles again.

"You haven't asked what the kiss meant."

Shion's answering smile is almost proud.

"I already know what it means."

Nezumi's heart skips a beat.

"Do you, now?"

"Yes."

"What _does _it mean then?"

Shion raises his face slightly and looks directly into Nezumi's eyes. They barely have an inch between their faces. Shion leans in and his velvety lips graze over Nezumi's. His directness causes a stir in the _inner most parts _of Nezumi's being. He answers Shion's kiss but Shion pulls back after a moment, stares into his eyes and smiles with such warmth Nezumi thinks he can feel the heat radiate.

"It means you will stay." Shion says. And he looks so happy, so overly blissful, for a single moment Nezumi hates himself for ever wanting to run away from this.

"Are you hungry?" Shion asks out of the blue.

Nezumi chuckles.

"Hardly. Your mother thinks I am starving all the time because of my past with malnutrition. I probably gained five pounds since this morning."

"You still look dazzling."

"Why, thank you Your Grace." Nezumi replies coyly.

"Nezumi?"

"Mmm?"

"The shirt you are wearing… is that mine?"

Nezumi feels his blood boil and ascend to his face, he tries his best to act nonchalant but he knows he is caught. It is truly unforgiveable that he didn't think of taking the shirt off before Shion came.

"What makes you think that? These are very common."

Shion smiles at him.

"Well for one, you never wear buttoned up shirts. You think they are too restricting."

Nezumi raises an eyebrow as if that doesn't prove anything.

"And two, one of my shirts was missing from your place when I went back there to gather some things."

"You mean the books." Nezumi corrects, feeling all too grateful for the chance to change the subject.

Shion is surprised.

"You know about them?"

"I have been in your house for hours. Of course I know about the books. Actually, now that you mention it…"

Nezumi leans in again holding Shion's face with his hand. He gazes into his brilliant red eyes wide with surprise and speaks with a low voice which he hopes to hide the actual depth of his feelings.

"… Let me show you what a 'Thank You' kiss is like."

And for the next five minutes Nezumi shows Shion how truly grateful he is to him for saving his books. When Nezumi finally pulls him up to his feet, Shion sways on spot with obvious dizziness.

Nezumi chuckles to himself as he keeps a firm grip on Shion's arms to prevent him from falling over his face. Shion chuckles with him then he suddenly looks up at Nezumi as if he just remembered something.

"Nezumi, where are Hamlet, Cravat and Tsukiyo?"

"In the bedroom. They are quietly waiting for their favorite Book Reader to pay attention to them. "

"Let's not keep them waiting any longer then." Then he speaks up. "Lights, on."

Suddenly the living area + the kitchen is illuminated with a soft light coming from behind the crown moldings at the ceiling.

Nezumi is met with Shion's steady gaze when he looks at him. There is a strange expression on his face, something close to amusement and appreciation.

"It looks really good on you."

Nezumi asks baffled,

"What does?"

Shion's grin widens. He leans in to give him a quick kiss and mutters with absolute joy,

"My shirt."

"Don't make me reconsider my decision to stay." Nezumi threatens. But Shion only smiles wider and replies happily,

"You are not going to leave."

"What makes you so certain of it, Your Royal Assuredness?

Shion's brilliant ruby eyes sparkle with bliss as he stares into Nezumi's eyes and replies smiling,

"Because you closed the window."

* * *

><p>The End<p>

* * *

><p>I<em> have so many people to thank for this chapter... So many of you encouraged me and pushed me forward. I'm extremely happy to be a part of this loving fandom. <em>

_First and foremost; Kyara313! She took upon herself the challenging task of Beta-ing me and she did such a splendid job I literally felt like crying once saw how thoroughly she did her job with painstaking care. Now, you should all go and love on her. You can find her on Tumblr under the nick Kyara313 (BTW, SHE IS AN EERILY FANTASTIC FANFIC AUTHOR HERSELF, AND YES, SHE DOES HAVE NEZUSHI FANFICS!)_

_Second but not a bit less important, my beautiful and amazing waifu who is the embodiment of perfection and skill. Bree (tumblr: darkotter14) I love you and I will always be here for you. Thank you so much for every encouraging word and for having such an unflagging faith in me. _

_Thirdly, every single person who follows me on Tumblr and reads my fanfics on here or on dA... Your comments are what gets me going and it is thanks to you I gained confidence enough to apply for a job that involves writing AND GOT IT. _

_Once again, it's been a little long, so do forgive me for the length! I just can't stop when I'm writing for these two. _

_I am keeping this fanfic labelled as "In-progress"... I'm trying something and if my waifu thinks it is not awful, I might post a 4th and final Chapter. _

_Please leave comments if you think the fanfic deserves it. Thank you all so much!_


	4. Be My Last

= Be My Last=

* * *

><p>It is Sunday. The spring wind that has brought Nezumi back to Shion the same way it had taken him away four years ago, blows with force against the windows in Shion's small apartment imprisoning them indoors but they aren't complaining. There is nowhere else they want to be. They watch the plantation outside the building from where they lie on Shion's bed, the way the trees shudder, shake and bend in union, helpless in the wind's overwhelming power.<p>

Neither of them talks. They have been doing that for two days, day and night, ever since Nezumi returned. Shion feels like he still has a million questions to ask him but right now they just share the quietness. The bedroom's silence is disturbed only by the reigning wind outside. The mice are asleep, huddled close on the tiny pet bed in the living room. It is around noon but the sun is hidden behind thick layers of leaden clouds. It could also be dawn, or early evening… They don't care anyway. Neither of them is keeping track of time. Not anymore.

Shion lies still on his side, holding Nezumi's hand. When he turns away from the window and looks up at him, he catches his silvery gaze already trained on himself. He brings Nezumi's hand up in between them and continues to stare into his eyes. He thinks he'll never get used to the way they seem to glow. It takes his breath away every single time. Luminescent orbs of liquefied silver. A pair of glass cages containing a typhoon. One not so unlike the typhoon that caused their meeting eight years ago.

The day Shion's life changed forever.

Shion wonders what is going through Nezumi's mind right now. His eyes are calm, steady… brilliant. He seems comfortable… he seems at ease. His gaze caresses Shion's soul, embraces his heart. Shion feels his breath catch in his throat.

"There is something I've been wanting to tell you." Shion says with wary.

Nezumi raises a single eyebrow. A perfect arch indicating his curiosity. He also turns to his side to face him fully.

"And what could that be?"

Shion remains quiet for a while. His heart picks up pace and a wave of sweat comes over him. His neck and face burn and he tries with all his might to keep his hands still so Nezumi doesn't feel them shake. He doesn't want to be ridiculed. He wants to be taken seriously. Even if it is just for this one time. Just once. He wills himself to continue for he knows what he will say is his absolute truth. He opens his mouth and it feels like the words are literally coming _out of his heart_ with a throbbing ache.

"I love you, Nezumi."

Shion's heart is beating so fiercely he can feel it shake the whole bed. But for a moment, he feels another thud, echoing his own heartbeat and wonders if the source is not his heart but someone else's, who shares the same bed with him now.

Nezumi doesn't reply though. He continues to gaze at him. His eyes intense and his face frustratingly expressionless.

_At least he didn't make fun of me, or criticized my linguistic abilities. _

The silence forces Shion to continue.

"I tried to tell you this before. But I… I wasn't entirely sure myself what _this_ was yet," he continues.

"My entire world was…_is_ you and I feel like a very important part of me disappears when… when I can't be by your side…"

Shion looks down at their hands. The sight of Nezumi's long, slender fingers entwined to his own sends his heart into another disarray. When he looks up, Nezumi's entrenched gaze meets him.

"I am not like you. I am not good with words. I'm not so impressively articulate the way you are. I don't know how to explain this feeling. I just know I _feel _it. It has been there for all this time… always. It is stronger and deeper than anything I have ever felt before. Almost painful. Right here," Shion places Nezumi's hand over his fiercely beating heart.

Nezumi's eyes show a tint of change. Something in their very depths shifts with an undercurrent wave of emotions.

"I love you." Shion repeats.

"I know," replies Nezumi with a sigh.

He pulls his hand from Shion's hold and raises it to his face instead. His gaze moves to his hair as he brushes aside his long snowy locks.

"I've known it then and I know it now. I've always known, Shion. I figured it out probably way before you did."

Shion closes his eyes to his touch. When he talks his voice shakes with his emotions.

"When you were gone… sometimes… at night, I'd wonder. If I had told you this then… would you…"

He opens his eyes to look at Nezumi.

"… would you still leave…"

"I would."

There is no hesitation in Nezumi's voice. Shion feels it sting just a little bit but Nezumi doesn't lie. He never lies. And it isn't as if Shion thought he would stay anyway.

"… That's what I thought too."

"Do you know why though?"

Shion stares into his eyes.

"I can only guess."

"Because no matter what I have told you that day on that hill or what you have told me, _you_ weren't the reason I left. I just _had to_ leave, Shion. It wasn't your fault. I couldn't stay. I can spend a lifetime with you trying to explain this, but it would still be impossible."

He continues after holding his hand again.

"And like I said… I already knew you were a bit more than '_drawn to me'_. So yes, Your Enamored Airheadedness, I'd still leave."

"Then there was nothing I could do to make you stay?"

"I don't think so, Shion. I don't respond too well to bondage."

Shion watches the corner of his mouth curl upwards and hears himself chuckle.

"I'm glad."

Nezumi's eyes widen.

"That bondage is not my thing? Been having worries, Shion?"

"NO!" Shion frowns with embarrassment and smacks Nezumi's hand. "That there was nothing else I could have done to make you stay."

He continues with heartfelt honesty,

"Because that means I had no control over it. I always… I kept asking myself the same question. Blaming myself for not telling you then… I thought I could have changed it. Somehow, someway. If I had said the right thing, did the right thing… But now I know it wouldn't have made a difference. I'm relieved. "

"Blaming yourself-" Nezumi stops halfway. His grey eyes bear a heavy expression as they glint and his eyebrows knit together.

"Blaming yourself because I left…" There seems to be something bitter imbued in his voice.

Shion feels small.

"I couldn't help it, Nezumi. For a long time… I believed I had made you leave. Because… I wasn't good enough. I wasn't strong enough… I didn't know how to protect myself, let alone protect you. You… you almost died because of me… Nezumi, I almost lost you… I wasn't trustworthy… I wasn't _reliable_-"

"Shion, stop. Stop." Nezumi puts a finger against his lips."Just stop."

Shion feels his soul burn in flames when he sees the pain in Nezumi's gaze. The memory of their last conversation on the hill reflects in his grey eyes. Every word still echo in their minds. Hung in air between them as evident as the storm raging outside. Shion bites his bottom lip and reaches out for his face, ready to mutter an apology but Nezumi beats him to it.

"You… you really are so stupid Shion. Sometimes I just can't believe how stupid you can be for a genius. Can't you understand…? "

He grimaces, "No, I guess you can't…"

He stares into his eyes with frustration and impatience, then speaks the words as if he is spitting out poison, his hatred for his own weakness tangible in every word,

"Shion, I was terrified."

"I know. Of me."

"NO!" Nezumi shakes him. His silver eyes squint in an expression like agony, he clenches his jaw and Shion sees that he is struggling to say something.

"Not of you damn it… Of… us."

Shion feels the words hit him. It feels like being struck by lightning.

"U-us?"

"Us… you and me."

And this time it is Nezumi looking down. He avoids eye contact and Shion thinks he can definitely feel Nezumi's heartbeat through the mattress. He wants to touch his face but fearing that Nezumi might not let him; Shion tightens his hold on his hands instead and replies,

"I thought I understood why you had left. Because of your past. Because of _our_ past. And partially, because of me… But, I didn't think it was the idea of 'us' that scared you. To me… it always felt natural. It felt right. It has always been the only thing in the world that made sense to me."

"That's why it was terrifying… "

Nezumi meets his gaze.

"It still _IS_ terrifying Shion."

Shion's stomach twists upon hearing his words. He feels like Nezumi could slip away into the hungry wind outside his windows any moment and he would be left here all alone to cope with his loss… again. He sees for the first time how much Nezumi is struggling to _stay_. That a part of him, still wants to run away. The pain is almost unbearable even though Nezumi is right there with him.

"Then… How… How did you come back?"

Shion feels his soul tear apart as if Nezumi is already gone. He bites his lip before adding,

"If you are still terrified… of us… then, _why_ would you come back?"

Nezumi's eyes lock onto his. Shion thinks he has never seen his gaze so open before, a pair of bottomless grey, revealing everything that he is with all of his virtues and flaws and there is so much to bear in his gaze, Shion feels tears forming in his eyes.

"Why do _you_ think?" Nezumi replies and his voice is thick, almost rough with emotion.

Shion's heart expands inside his chest, beating painfully hard against his ribs. An aching sensation makes its way down his stomach and settles inside his abdomen. His lips reach for Nezumi's but he doesn't need to reach far, Nezumi meets him mid-way with a similar resolve reflecting in his eyes.

It feels like throwing gasoline in fire. In mere seconds, they are breathing hard, uneven and out of control against each other's lips. Nezumi's hands make their way into his hair as Shion pulls him to himself by the shirt and responds to his tongue's every move inside his mouth. His taste… Nezumi's taste is _saturating_. His own brand of chemical induced high. With each dip, Shion feels himself ascending. Wherever he is going, he is determined to take Nezumi with him, so he does his best to keep up with his pace, his demanding lips, tongue, teeth… his whole body.

Shion doesn't question or think about anything. His mind has never been so clear, so quiet. When Nezumi's lips involuntarily release his own, gasping for air, he simply leaves himself to his instincts and senses. Rolling onto his back, he pulls Nezumi with him and he is immediately attacked by a new, maddening wave of lust when Nezumi doesn't pull away, but instead leans in to claim his lips again, his upper body now hovering over Shion's.

Nezumi's hands travel down the sides of his head to his neck, his thumb tracing over the pale pink scar over his skin. His left hand slowly continues to slide down until it's met with the V neck line of Shion's shirt over his collarbones. Caressing along the side of Shion's arm he holds Shion's hand and pulls it up to the side of his head on the pillow, his own hand kneading into it. Shion's head rolls back as Nezumi kisses him hard enough to bury him in his own bed. When their lungs protest with the lack of oxygen, they break away panting but Nezumi doesn't stop.

His beautiful face descends, his long raven bangs tickle Shion's jaw and his lips close over the soft skin below Shion's left ear. A long throaty moan escapes from Shion's mouth as his free hand holds the back of Nezumi's neck and his fingers bury themselves in the silky locks of Nezumi's hair. Shion feels his tongue over his blazing skin, right over the light swelling of his scar and for a moment, he sees stars at his plain, cream colored ceiling with the amount of pleasure he is feeling.

"Nn-Nezumiii…" he breathes out with need.

Nezumi raises his head and gazes into his eyes with burning intensity, long enough to send a shiver down Shion's back. They are pressed so close, Nezumi feels him shiver and a soft smile forms on his lips. Shion wants to disappear in his infinite sky gaze, dissolve into intangible pieces with the heat of Nezumi's body and lose himself completely in everything that is _him_. He wants to _feel _his smile over his own lips, not just see it, so he pulls him over himself, and one more time, Nezumi obeys. When their lips meet again, with a much tender, sensual kiss, Shion feels Nezumi's arms slide underneath his body and in a single moment, Shion is in Nezumi's arms.

Nezumi is embracing him.

Over the past 8 years, Shion had wanted countless times to reach out and hold Nezumi but he had always refrained from doing so. Not wanting to anger him, or hear Nezumi tease him about wanting to do something as childish as hugging him, Shion had always held himself back. But now, lying on his back and being embraced by Nezumi as their lips merge in ways Shion previously thought was not possible, his heart aches fiercely and he feels tears rising one more time.

_This is Nezumi… _

_He is holding me. _

_He is kissing me and holding me._

_This is… Nezumi._

_Nezumi._

Shion hears a choking sound and realizes it is coming from him. Nezumi pulls away only enough to take a look at him and his expression changes rapidly from wonder to worry. He raises his hand and touches the wetness on Shion's cheeks.

"Shion…"

"I'm sorry," Shion whispers.

Nezumi's eyebrows knit together in uncertainty.

"Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing." Shion tries to smile through tears. "I'm just really happy."

Nezumi's usual amused look claims his features. But Shion thinks that, maybe, he can see something else there, behind that skillfully crafted mask. Something warm and kind: affection.

"You are actually crying with happiness?" he muses.

"You hugged me."

"I beg your pardon?" Nezumi asks completely baffled.

"If you don't count the hug two days ago when you returned, this is the first time you ever hugged me."

Shion feels like an idiot every time he tries to explain something like this to him when he _himself_ doesn't understand half of his body's reactions to Nezumi and everything he does.

Nezumi merely stares at him for a long time. When he finally talks, there is a distinctive tone of wonder in his voice,

"Every time I think I finally figured out a part of you, you reveal something else. I thought I at least knew _this_ about you. I thought I knew exactly how much you-" he doesn't finish and frowns instead, apparently struggling to say the words.

"How much I love you?" Shion helps.

"Yeah… That… I've been kissing you at every chance for the last two days, but you go and cry when I _embrace _you."

He gives Shion a funny look.

"It is impossible, isn't it? To actually grasp the thoughts that goes through that complex mind of yours."

Shion chuckles.

"What's so funny?" Nezumi ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Just you," Shion replies smiling at him. "Hearing _you_ of all people say that is funny."

Nezumi leans in with a dangerous smile.

"And what exactly do you imply by that, Shion?"

"That you have a very complex and hard to understand mind yourself." Shion manages to say before his is distracted with Nezumi's lips grazing over his jaw line.

"Mmm…" Nezumi hums against his mouth. "I like keeping my thoughts to myself. Makes for good surprise."

Shion tries to focus on the conversation but Nezumi is effectively terminating every chain of thought in his mind with his lips brushing over the corner of his mouth.

"I… uhm… I just think…oh!" Shion gasps when Nezumi's mouth finds his earlobe and starts sucking on it.

Shion's eyes roll back in his head with pleasure and he buries his fingers in Nezumi's hair, his other hand still entwined to Nezumi's hand on the pillow, losing track of everything that isn't his touch, his kiss, or his voice.

The sky grumbles with a deep thunder and the wind threatens to invade their sanctuary. But Shion doesn't care. After four years of immeasurable suffering, crippling sense of incompleteness and unbearable longing, Nezumi is finally here. Shion doesn't need to sleep on the cramped couch in the library just so he can feel close to him with the prominent smell of the books. He doesn't need to reach for his jean pockets and pull out the tiny notes with Nezumi's elegant handwriting which he had written to his mother when they lived in the West Block. He doesn't need to suppress his urge to cry when he feels like he can't take it anymore. Nezumi is _here,_ in his arms, breathing _life_ into him, awakening his every benumbed nerve and cell with the fire of his hands, his lips and his tongue.

"Nezumi…" Shion whispers against his lips.

The luminescent grey of Nezumi's eyes seems to glow brighter when Shion looks up at him. His raven bangs softly cradle the face Shion has long memorized. Brushing his hair behind his ear Shion cups his cheek and whispers with a helplessly weak voice,

"You are _so_ beautiful."

Nezumi looks at him as if he doesn't know what to say to that. Shion thinks he can barely suppress an urge to roll his eyes. Leaning in for another kiss, Nezumi murmurs against his lips,

"You are still a natural."

And this time, he lets his whole body fall on top of Shion's as his tongue dives deep inside his mouth. Holding Shion's face securely with a single hand, he lowers himself onto him and Shion feels his skin catch fire under the clothes everywhere it makes contact with Nezumi's body. With their bodies pressed so close, there is nothing left to hide. Shion's blood boils in his veins and sends waves of heated passion as he feels how _fully_ Nezumi is enjoying this. He throws his head back, unable to help himself and moans with aching pleasure. Nezumi uses this opportunity to leave a trail of open mouthed kisses on his now exposed neck, across his pale pink scar and then, abruptly, he grinds against him.

"Ahhhhh!"

Blood rushes to his face and Shion's hands fly to his mouth to stop the sounds he is making from getting out of control.

Nezumi's slender hand closes around Shion's and gently pries his fingers open one by one over his mouth and he speaks into Shion's ear.

"Don't. Let me hear you."

Shion can't keep up with all the sensations he is feeling, the grazing touch of Nezumi's tongue over his neck, the weight of Nezumi's heated body pressed hard against him and his voice, his maddening voice, whispering in his ear to not keep quiet, breathing heavily against his skin. Right when he thinks he has got it under control and can now focus on returning some attention to Nezumi, he grinds against Shion yet again, only this time he doesn't stop. One of his hands sneaks in between their bodies and Shion feels his touch on his bare stomach under the shirt he is wearing. His abdomen convulses beneath Nezumi's palm and all Shion can do is to remain conscious and writhe in pure lust.

"Shion…" Nezumi murmurs in his ear. The needful tremor in his voice sends another shiver down Shion's spine and he thinks he will disintegrate into thin air, simply dissolve like vapor just by being so close to Nezumi's warmth.

Nezumi leans his forehead against Shion's, one hand entwined to his, the other grazing over his stomach and he murmurs again with the same tremor in his voice.

"Shion… let me touch you."

_Touch me?_

_Isn't he already touching me?_

Shion's heart stops between frantic thuds. Understanding dawns on him and he feels his body temperature rise by several degrees. Everything aside, the realization of Nezumi _asking for permission_ to touch him gives Shion the strongest heartache he has ever felt in his life. The mere thought of feeling Nezumi's long and slender fingers down _there _ makes his legs quiver. Nezumi patiently waits his answer, his breath ghosting over his lips and Shion can only speak out one shaky word,

"O-okay."

Nezumi looks into his eyes with tenderness. He kisses his forehead and Shion feels his hand fumble with the front of his pants. Anticipation, nervousness and the intensity of his feelings grow in volumes within the depths of his body. He feels his button pop open and his zipper being pulled down. A thin layer of fabric is now the only thing between his burning flesh and Nezumi's hand. Nezumi props himself up on a single elbow on the bed, brushing Shion's white locks of hair with his fingers and he kisses him on the lips. And while his mouth moves hungrily over Shion's, his other hand finds the outline of his underwear and the tips of his fingers slowly slip underneath them. Shion breaks away from the kiss and throws his head back on the pillows, gasping wildly for air as Nezumi's hand… _Nezumi's hand… _reaches to the very depths of his most private area and closes around his throbbing hardness.

"Mmm, N-Nezumi... uhh"

"Relax Shion… It's okay. Breathe." Nezumi's soothing voice calms Shion's panicking mind effectively but does nothing to slow down his frantic heartbeat. Involuntarily, Shion pulls his legs up and spreads them on either side of Nezumi. Wrapping his arms around his shoulders, he pulls Nezumi to himself with the insatiable need to be even closer to him.

Nezumi begins to gently but firmly move his hand up and down his length in slow, aching strokes. He leans in to kiss Shion's whimpering lips, setting the rhythm of his kiss in sync with his strokes. Shion feels something gradually rise from within the very depths of his body, something that will surely destroy him as it ascends in vast waves, blinding him, clouding his mind, _burning _him from the inside with its crushing heat. He thinks his body can't possibly handle such an intense feeling and he can't stop from moaning out in unrestrained pleasure against Nezumi's lips.

"Nez...umi... mmm... "

Nezumi's thumb brushes over the tip of his erection and Shion loses it. His hips move on their own accord and he thrusts into Nezumi's hand as a loud groan tears through his throat. Embarrassment swells in his stomach for losing control, revealing Nezumi just how desperately he truly needs him but he just can't help himself.

Nezumi doesn't even flinch though. Demanding his lips one more time, he quickens the pace of his strokes and tightens his hold on Shion's erection. When Nezumi pulls his head back to let Shion moan needfully, Shion sees his grey eyes just an inch away from his face. He can feel Nezumi take long needful breaths against his mouth as his exhales brush over his lips. He is just as much aroused as Shion is and understanding that mere fact becomes at least as effective as the hand over Shion's erection in bringing him to the edge.

"N-Ne...zu..mi… I'm… I'm going to… Uhhh"

Nezumi continues to stare into his eyes as his hand pumps Shion's erection faster and harder. There is nothing else in the world but those pair of grey, grey eyes and his hand. Shion's eyes roll back in his head as inarticulate exclamations of lust flow out of his mouth. Nezumi leans in and his lips find his ear beneath the mess of ivory hair and he whispers,

"Come, Shion. Let go. Come for me."

Those last three words are what do it. Shion's back arches as his final thrust into Nezumi's hand pushes him beyond the edge. His orgasm ripples through his body in waves and Shion's fingers dig into Nezumi's back crying out his name. He vaguely notices a brilliant jolt of thunder flash across the sky outside the window as he comes, as if nature was a mere junction of his being, acting out according to what he feels.

Nezumi holds him gently as the final shivers of Shion's release leave his body and he falls limp, sweaty and spent on the bed, his arms still around Nezumi's shoulders in a tight embrace. Nezumi holds him against his chest, leaning in to his overheated body. Shion feels him caress his hair.

Rain.

When the rush of his blood roaring inside his head somewhat quiets, Shion hears rain. He has no idea when it has started. Probably somewhere between Nezumi's burning silver gaze and his violent orgasm. Loosening his stranglehold on Nezumi, Shion buries his head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his dizzying scent.

"I love you, Nezumi," he whispers with his voice still thick with his numbing afterglow.

"I know," he hears him whisper back.

"I love you… I love you… I love you so much," Shion repeats helplessly.

Nezumi pulls away to look at him. His hand brushes Shion's damp hair behind his ear and he leans into kiss the last traces of his tears away. Shion watches his Adam's apple move as he breathes against his forehead. So close to him. So very close.

Shion raises his head searching for his lips as if in a trance and Nezumi is there to meet him. The kiss is slow, rising and falling with sensual tides akin to the ocean Shion has never seen. Although he has just had the most intense orgasm of his life, Shion incredulously feels something stir within his body. Nezumi shifts his weight over him, leaning forward and pushes Shion's head back on the pillow, his tongue sliding inside his mouth with a short, gasping inhale. When he presses his body against him, Shion realizes how hard he is and how much it must be paining him to hold back.

"Nezumi?"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Nezumi replies to his unasked question. But when he leans closer, pressing his crotch against Shion's body, his head drops against Shion's forehead and a long throaty groan escapes his mouth.

"Nezumi… please… I … I want you to come too."

"If you continue to talk like that, I will." Nezumi's replies hoarsely. He holds Shion's face and kisses him roughly on the lips with untamed lust.

_He is like the storm. An element of nature itself. Eyes of moonlight, hands like summer rain, passion like a storm… A typhoon._

Shion stares into his hypnotizing, molten, grey eyes, feeling Nezumi's hands run along the sides of his body and his lips over his skin. He closes his eyes and he feels like he is being swept away. Such ascension, such an uncontrollable, primal, wild sensation… He wants to be naked before him. Naked and ready to be taken away by the storm that is Nezumi.

Shion's hands make their way down Nezumi's sides and slide underneath his shirt. His heart threatens to leap out of his chest when he feels Nezumi's tight muscles beneath his hands. Nezumi responds to his touch with a loud, unrestricted groan. It's a sound Shion has never heard from him before. A sound full of _need. _Electric currents jolt through his languid nerves, setting them ablaze with a second wave of irresistible desire. Shion awakens from his refractory lethargy and his entire being focuses on the man in his arms.

Shion _wants _him.

He wants Nezumi to _take_ him.

"Nezumi..."

Shion pushes him back to sit up. Nezumi pulls away with surprise but it is nothing compared to the look in his eyes when Shion pulls his shirt up and clumsily yanks it off of his head.

Nezumi stares at his bare chest and Shion can physically _feel_ his gaze on his skin, tingling and prickling; sweeping across the winding scar around his figure. Nezumi finally looks at Shion's face, deep into his eyes.

"Shion…" He says his name lowly, his voice breaking at the last syllable.

Then without speaking, Nezumi takes his own shirt off with a single, frustratingly elegant motion and claims Shion's lips again with a snarl.

Shion falls back on the bed with Nezumi on top of him, feeling his warm skin against his and he finds out that it is actually quite easy to position Nezumi where he wants him to be; between his legs, hovering over him. Every line, crook and muscle of Nezumi's body exposes itself to Shion's exploring hands. He is _beautiful…_ His body is the archetype of perfection and Shion can't even comprehend how, this man could be in his arms. His hands run down his back and Shion feels his burn scar below his shoulder blades. Tracing its outline with his fingertips Shion pulls Nezumi closer as an overwhelming urge to protect him courses through his heart.

Shion can hear their mutual gasps, moans and the rustling of their clothes and the sheets they are on. Their pants disappear one after the other, thrown somewhere in the room neither of them care. Nezumi's stormy passion consumes everything shielding Shion's skin from his lips. In mere seconds, they are both naked. As the entire room flashes bright with the blinding jolt of a lightening, Shion finds himself mesmerized by the contrast of depth in Nezumi's grey eyes and the raging leaden sky behind him. His silhouette rises above Shion against the swirling clouds and Shion thinks he will definitely lose his mind with how unearthly Nezumi looks.

Nezumi leans in; tugging at the loose ponytail at the back of his head, and his hair falls free around Shion's face when his tongue melts inside his mouth. Shion's arms and legs wrap around him in a desperate, tight knot tugging him to himself. His fingers entangle themselves in his hair. Nezumi gasps and lets a loud groan when their bodies press together. The mere sensation of friction spreading through their entire being is enough to drive them insane. Shion holds on to his mind for dear life because he needs to live through this, he needs to _feel_ Nezumi and give him something, something that could barely be enough to show him how much he loves him.

"Mmmm… Shion…"

Nezumi breathes into his ear. His voice is so thick with desire, so shaky with his need; the core of Shion's being trembles upon hearing it. He reaches between their bodies and his fingertips brush across Nezumi's hard length. A shiver runs down Nezumi's spine. When Shion takes him in his hand Nezumi blindly calls out his name. Shion's hand gets slick with his precum. At first sluggishly and then with increasing confidence Shion starts stroking his erection with a single hand. Nezumi groans into the pillows next to Shion's head and as Shion picks up the pace he feels Nezumi's teeth sink into his collarbone. Shion lets out a loud moan, his arm tightens around Nezumi's shoulders and his own hard on throbs painfully under his hand. Nezumi shifts his weight, spreads Shion's fingers open and takes both of their erections in his hand. Shion's hand is still under Nezumi's grip and then Shion loses everything when Nezumi starts stroking their pressed lengths at the same time. Behind his tightly shut eyelids, Shion sees blinding flashes of light, his head spins, every muscle tenses and he moans, his fingers scratching angry red lines on Nezumi's back in complete abandon.

He knows if he waits another second, it will be too late.

"Ne…ah.. Ne-zumi!"

Shion untangles his free hand from Nezumi's shoulder and extends it to his right apparently reaching for something. Nezumi follows his gaze and then looks back at him with a puzzled expression.

"The… night… stand… top… drawer…" he manages to say through his pants and after a moment of surprise Nezumi leans over him, reaching for the drawer. Shion hears him fumble through his underwear.

"What do you wa-" Nezumi prepares to ask but stops midway and he pulls out his hand holding a small tube. He stares at it for a long time and then his gaze finds Shion's flushed face.

"Is this what you want?"

"Y-Yes."

The muscles in Nezumi's arms twitch and Shion sees him swallow. The throbbing ache between his legs intensifies when he sees the fiery look on his face.

"Shion…"

"Please… Nezumi…" Shion hears the plea in his voice. "_Please_… I… I want to feel you."

Nezumi's breath catches in his throat. Shion feels his erection throb in his hand. He wants to continue, to explain it to him, how for the past 4 years he has been wanting this. How he fought insanity here, on this very bed when his longing for Nezumi became unbearable and he had to use his own hand to quench his need. How after every release, he always felt small and insignificant and lonely and infinitely _empty _and how even now, when they are so close, closer than Shion ever thought they would be, it isn't even fractionally enough. Shion feels something hot sting in his eyes.

Nezumi's eyes reflect the storm outside. He leans in and takes Shion in his arms. Kissing away the trickling tears that escape, he stares into Shion's eyes.

"Shion… are you sure? We… we don't have to. We can wait."

Shion pulls him closer as his entire body cries with need.

"F-four years, Nezumi… Four years… please… please."

He hears him take in a tremulous breath.

"Shion… it will hurt."

Shion pulls his head back to look at Nezumi. There is so much in his grey eyes; conflict, worry, desire, pain, fear. Shion doesn't even want to think how Nezumi knows it will hurt. An iron hand closes tight around his heart and he feels his chest constrict with palpitation. He leans into kiss his lips and then replies with a thick voice,

"I don't care... It's you, Nezumi, it's you. I don't care."

"Shion…"

Nezumi whispers in his ear and his lips brush against his skin. He is swaying on the line between holding back and giving in and Shion can feel it in every kiss Nezumi plants on his neck. He spreads his legs wider apart, pulls Nezumi closer onto him and lets his hands roam freely up and down his back. Nezumi groans against his neck, almost a snarl, his hand clenching around the little tube. He finally raises his head from the crook of Shion's neck and looks at him.

And Shion doesn't know what love is, if it isn't the warmth in Nezumi's grey eyes.

"I trust you." Shion says.

And he doesn't need to say more because Nezumi sits up and pours out half of the lube on his fingers. His soaked hand reaches down between their bodies. He stares into Shion's eyes as his hand slips beneath the smooth skin of his testicles and touches his puckered flesh. It is the most intimate thing Shion has ever felt in his life. His blood ascends to his face, his heartbeat becomes erratic and Shion just wants him to _do_ it. If it takes any longer, he fears he'll black out without even feeling Nezumi inside him.

Nezumi's finger presses against his entrance and Shion commands his body to accept him as he inches his way in.

Shion groans under his breath as every single one of his muscles tense, and he feels himself twitch around Nezumi's finger. His glowing grey eyes never leave Shion's face, his lips only a few inches away from Shion's trembling lips. When Nezumi, slowly eases in a second finger, Shion bites his lip and throws his head back, trying to cope with the uncomfortable sense of wanting to push him out.

"Breathe," he hears Nezumi's voice. His voice is so low, so unsteady it sends a shiver down Shion's spine. He does as Nezumi says and takes in a deep breath. As he exhales, Nezumi's fingers ease all the way in and Shion wonders how, his entire neural system can be concentrated where his fingers are moving inside him, catching against his soft flesh when he still has a painfully throbbing erection between his legs. Nezumi inserts a third finger and Shion feels himself stretch with an ache around his fingers.

"Ahhhh… N-Nezumi…"

His grey eyes still hold his gaze. Nezumi leans in and kisses him on the lips with unrestricted desire. His fingers move in and out of Shion's entrance and when he splays them inside him, pressing hard against his inner walls, Shion's groan mounts to a scream. Nezumi's name spills out from his lips and Shion's fingers dig into his back.

Then the pressure is gone and Shion feels strangely empty. He looks down and watches Nezumi pour the rest of the lube in his palm. He spreads it evenly over his erection and when he looks up into Shion's eyes, Shion's heart loses whatever rhythm it had left. Nezumi's glowing grey eyes has darkened. They are ignited with a numinous inner flame, much like a pair of dark rain clouds with heavy electricity. Shion's very core trembles as his gaze consumes him. Inexplicably Shion finds himself drawn to him. Nezumi becomes the center of gravity and inevitably, Shion reaches forward tugging Nezumi down onto him and seals his lips shut with a hungry snarl.

Nezumi pushes him back on the bed and his lips move over Shion's in a ravaging kiss. His tongue dives deep inside his mouth and Shion feels him position himself between his legs. His one hand makes its way down the side of his body, across his hip and comes to a halt over his thigh. Nezumi pushes his legs upwards and leans in. Something warm and wet presses against Shion's entrance and he almost wants to thrust himself down onto him with reckless oblivion. Nezumi breaks away from the kiss heavily panting, leans his forehead against Shion's and speaks through his jagged breaths,

"Shion… take a deep breath… "

Shion inhales. The pressure at his entrance intensifies.

"Now… slowly, exhale…"

Shion lets his lungs release the air and a scream tears through his throat, the loudest as of yet when Nezumi thrusts into him with a single motion... Hard but slowly. Lights fade out from Shion's sight; the sky crumbles on the clouds outside, rain seems to forget falling and every drop remains suspended in air. Silence cuts through the wind and Shion can only hear his own voice echoing in his head until he feels Nezumi's hand in his hair, and hears him speak into his ear,

"Shhh, shhh… Breathe. Shion, breathe."

It _hurts _but for the first time in his life, Shion feels _full. _He tries to breathe and his muscles twitch around Nezumi's length and it is such an intense feeling having Nezumi _inside_ him, so foreign, so _unreal_, so unbearably _right_ Shion feels on the verge of crying.

"Uh… S-Shion… do you want me to stop?"

_No. Don't. _

_Never stop. _

_I'm yours._

_I've always been yours. _

_Nezumi._

_Nezumi…_

Shion swallows thickly and can only manage to shake his head. His hands make their way down his back and he pulls Nezumi to himself as their eyes burn into each other. Nezumi slides all the way in and Shion just stops _being. _He is no longer Shion. No longer a single entity. He can feel Nezumi's pulse throb inside him, within the core of his body, spreading through his being in sensual echoes. He can feel his frantic heartbeat against his skin and although he is the one _taken_ by him, Shion feels inexplicably _lost_ in him.

"Ohh.. Shion…" Nezumi moans and his head drops on Shion's shoulder. Shion can see the muscles in his arms twitch as he starts to slowly pull out of him. When he is almost all the way out, he slides back in with a long, slow penetration.

"Oh God… oh… Sh-Shion… you… mmmmm…so tight," Nezumi breathes out. He is shaking in Shion's arms and his expression shows undivided concentration. Shion's head rolls back on the pillow and he feels something swell inside him, consuming all the ache and nervousness and wary. Something close to starvation. A dull, heated burn for _more. _As Nezumi takes him in his arms and his pelvis starts moving back and forth in slow, deep thrusts inside him, Shion's lips part and he repeats Nezumi's name through them in unintelligible slurry of moans.

Then Nezumi's hand slides in between their sweating bodies and he curls his fingers around the shaft of Shion's erection. Shion's moans mount to keening sounds and his hips buckle forward, effectively burying Nezumi's shaft deep inside him up to the hilt.

"Oh _shit… _Shion!_"_

"Ahhh! N… Nezumi..."

Shion looks down at Nezumi's face through heavy eyelids. Behind his heavenly figure, his mind vaguely registers the flash of a lightening, again, just in time with another deep penetration. Shion can feel his precum ooze from the tip of his erection on to Nezumi's hand as he continues to stroke him in the same rhythm of his thrusts. His grey eyes glint with feral need. His hair oscillates with his movement and Nezumi bites his lip.

"Shion… it… it feels… so good… inside you."

Nezumi whispers into his ear as he hilts himself all the way in. He is so slow, so gentle, it makes Shion _ache._ He can feel how much Nezumi is holding himself back from the way he breathes in short ragged bursts against his neck. Shion's arms cling tight around his shoulders and Shion whispers back to him.

"Nezumi… please… h-harder…"

"Damn it, Shion… and I'm trying to be _nice_ here." Nezumi grits out through clenched teeth. Shion lifts his face up and finds his lips and the kiss lingers until they are both breathless. Nezumi's hands slide down Shion's sides, he holds Shion securely by the hips and finds a steady grind to his thrusts. At the third thrust Shion's eyes shoot wide open and his groan almost sounds like a scream as Nezumi's erection hits somewhere inside him that sends jolts of blazing passion through his veins.

"Mmmm… Found it," Nezumi murmurs against his neck and his next thrusts finds the same spot, making Shion cry out in ecstasy. It overshadows everything; _everything_ Shion has ever felt his whole life, including the first orgasm Nezumi has given him. His forgets where they are, who they are, what his name is… His nerves burn ablaze, his muscles tense uncontrollably and his mind overflows only with Nezumi… Nezumi and his scent, his hands, his voice, his thrusts. Time dissolves into an inconceivable vastness within Nezumi's pace. With the same lazy rhythm of a swinging pendulum, Nezumi moves inside him, in and out of Shion. _Taking _him. Making him _his._

"AAhh…. Ah… Nezumi… Nezumi… Ne..zumi…"

Nezumi leans forward to kiss Shion's hungry lips. Shion moves with him, trying to meet him with each thrust and soon, Nezumi pulls back from the kiss with a wild groan. His pace picks up as he tugs Shion down onto him. Brilliant white lights flash across Shion's vision as his gut twists with the rise of his orgasm. His hands close into tight fists in Nezumi's hair and he screams out his name over and over again as he feels his heated lust climb from the pit of his stomach, burning every fiber of his being as it ascends.

"Shion… Shion… I'm… so close…"

Nezumi's thrusts become harder and Shion feels an edge at the end of each deep penetration. Cradling Nezumi's head in his arms he manages to push out words reasonlessly through his moans.

"Inside... Uh! Come… Ah! Inside!"

Nezumi's restraint breaks apart upon hearing him. He groans ferally and starts slamming into Shion with lustful abandon. Shion body arches and he almost leaves the bed, screaming out with blind pleasure. One of Nezumi's hands entangles itself in Shion's snowy white hair while the other pins him down on the bed by the hip. Shion feels the heat mount and for a moment he fears he will actually die from this, die with the amount of pleasure before even climaxing, but it only takes another hard, deep thrust to push Shion beyond the edge. His shout echoes in the bedroom as his cum, warm and wet spurts between their pressed bodies in loaded waves and onto his stomach. His whole body tenses, his muscles lock taut; cramping tight around Nezumi's length.

"UGH… Shion… _shit… _I'm… OH GOD!"

And Nezumi lets out a drawn out, breathless groan as his orgasm ripples through his body, hard and intense. Shion feels his liquid heat spill deep inside him, reaching to the _inner most parts_ of his being and finally putting out the fire that burned him alive everyday for the past four years. Nezumi's whole body trembles in Shion's tight embrace. He doesn't even breathe, he merely remains buried deep within Shion, and shakes uncontrollably until there isn't a drop of cum left inside of him. Then slowly pulling out of him, he falls on top of Shion, and his head rests on his shoulder, one hand still in his white hair and he exhales deeply.

"Shion…"

Shion feels dizzy as sweet aches spread through him, undoing his muscles, making his bones melt and tingles all over his skin. He clings onto Nezumi tighter and realizes there is only one set of heartbeats thudding through the mattress. He lazily smiles to himself and welcomes the sound of rain, as it mercilessly taps against the windows.

_Living people are warm._

He thinks to himself. A storm, a boy taking shelter, a pair of hands and a warm body.

Nothing has changed.

_And everything has changed._

Shion hears Nezumi take in a deep jagged breath. It somehow sounds off to him.

"Nezumi?"

He doesn't reply. His arms tighten around Shion, and then, incredulously, Shion feels him shake in his arms.

Nezumi is crying.

Shion doesn't know how he knows this. There is no tangible proof that shows this is really the case but Shion knows it as he knows every time Nezumi stares at him when Shion isn't looking. He feels it the way he always feels his gaze, the way he always notices the smile that curve his lips when Shion hands him a cup of hot cocoa. Shion's heart swells in his chest and threatens to choke him. He doesn't know what to say or how to console him. Shion has never seen him cry apart from that one time in the correctional facility when he had cried with guilt. He thinks he _knows_ why he is crying now and if he is right, Nezumi would rather not talk about this. So Shion tugs him closer, kisses the top of his dampen hair and merely holds on to him.

He gives him the silence he so desperately needs but never loosens his hold on him. Nezumi doesn't sob. He doesn't break down, or lose himself. He cries silently, with occasional sighs and mild shivers taking over his limb body. Shion raises one of his hands and strokes his hair. After a while, when the grumbling of the thunder sounds more distant, Nezumi speaks up,

"You are tangling my hair."

Shion smiles to himself.

"It was tangled way before I started playing with it. I'm _un_tangling it."

Nezumi doesn't reply for a while. Right when Shion wonders whether he has fallen asleep or not, he answers him.

"Thank you."

Shion's heart threatens to explode in his chest. He tries his best to control his emotions and replies truthfully.

"Always"

Nezumi lifts his head up from Shion's chest and looks at his face with a quizzical expression. His eyes are dry but they glow with the same brilliance akin to the reflection of moonlight over the surface of calm water.

"Always? What is that? A promise?"

"It is my resolve." Shion replies nuzzling his face in Nezumi's hair.

"You told me that before." Nezumi says slowly.

"I know."

Nezumi looks down at Shion's chest.

"Shion… you know… I wouldn't hold it against you if you had slept with someone else. Four years is a long time."

"It didn't matter. I wanted you to be my first."

Nezumi looks up into his eyes again. Shion thinks he looks _proud._

"Now that you accomplished that, Your Highness, what do you have in mind next?"

Shion leans in and kisses him softly on the lips. He brushes his raven locks away from his face as their lips move in a synchronized pace. When Shion pulls away, he indulges himself in the infinite glow of Nezumi's grey, grey eyes and replies with a smile,

"Nothing else but you to be my last."

* * *

><p>The End<p>

* * *

><p>Ohhh well... I really don't know what to say about this. Let me just apologize first if you thing this isn't realistic or somehow awkward... This is my first time ever attempting fluff and if it wasn't for Brigid (my Bree, my waifu, darkotter14 on Tumblr) I would never write this down and  or have enough courage to post it.

Thank you Bree, I love you.

She also suggested that I should write this whole thing down with Nezumi's POV too... She is trying to tempt me knowing how obsessed I am with the mousykid's brain but hell if I do write it, it will probably be longer than this... Geez... I have no life :P

Please leave comments. I am overly self-conscious about this and I can't post it on DA due to "porn being forbidden". I need feedback.

Thank you for reading. Hope you like it 3


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